The Chronicles of a Cluttered Mind

Day 366

2011-02-17T05:30:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAZEL!

Each morning of her life at 4:10, the time of her birth, we would take a picture celebrating another day well lived...the triumph of the human spirit...family...miracles...the goodness of God...and the power of L-O-V-E. Today is Day 366, with our daughter, without our daughter; but we continue to celebrate.

On the morning Hazel had to leave us, there was a light beautiful snow. It just cleansed everything outside and made the world seem new. Everything had a faint beautiful glow. Since then I have taken snow as a "sign" from her that's she's near and loves us.

Luckily this winter we have had ridiculous amounts of snow as evidenced by our mailbox below. And although I hate shoveling, I can't help but think she's laughing somewhere.

Lastly, because of Hazel's uniqueness I know many of you were not able to witness her life in person. I just wanted everyone to see how incredible she was. How real she is. At the end of this video watch for the smile. She smiled!

And if you're questioning how she was able to live 7 days let me show you her fighting spirit. This is bath time so she's a little indecent, but it's adorable.

We want to thank everyone for helping us throughout this past year. We could not have made it this far without you. I hope you will go out and do a good deed for someone today, hug your kids a little longer, and tell the important people in your life that you love them. Also, if you need an excuse to eat cake you can say you're celebrating Hazel's birthday. She won't mind.

Aotearoa

2011-01-23T18:05:00.000-08:00

Friends do you remember when I said that I was really going to start living again this year?

I'm doing it. Slowly but surely, I'm doing it. I am getting out there and living my life. I'm making plans and following through. I'm daring to hope and even better daring to dream.

I have dreamed for 12 years of going to

The Land of the Long White Cloud or Aotearoa.

I cannot count the number of times that I sat in class in the CAC or Old Gym and listened to the New Zealand exhibit perform at the PCC and thought, "someday I'm going there."

And now I am.

What makes this trip even better is that I am going to New Zealand for my little sister's wedding. Jamie and Xander will be getting married April 23rd in Whangarei on the North Island.

Come on- it's obvious why he loves her. She's fun like her older sister.

But a wedding isn't fun unless you have fun people there. Introducing your fun wedding party- Nikki Forsberg, sister-in-law extraordinaire and lyrical dance machine.

Father and Mother of the bride and the reason the saying "Pakehas know how to party" came into existence.

And lastly, the most photogenic bridesmaid- me. Jamie is so lucky I am going to be in a lot of her pictures.

All of this just affirms that living is definitely worth the risk. I continue to pray that all of you are well and dreaming big.

Snow Days

2011-01-22T13:36:00.000-08:00

So as some of you know we have had an active January. It has snowed and snowed over the last 2 weeks. This picture was taken after the first storm. We have had a few more since then and added to our glorious snow piles.

Gidget is too short to be able to maneuver through the snow so we dug her an elaborate tunnel system in the backyard. It's fun to watch her freak out and "run the track." However, she did learn how to walk over the fence after the last ice storm. Now there is a moat inside of our fence to accompany the tunnel system.

In the last two weeks we have only had 4 1/2 days of school due to the snow which means we are getting a lot of extra sleep around here. This is the usual pose you can find Gidget and I in after shoveling.

Lastly, proof that Travis is turning into a New Englander. He is actually considering buying a snow blower after this winter.

The Art of Living (Inspired by Alycia Bryll)

2011-01-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends

I'm sorry about the 4 month hiatus. I have been loosely committed to this blog from the beginning, but I was really having difficulty finding something to talk about. The other day I was catching up with a good friend, Alycia Bryll, and she completely inspired me.

She was one of my swimmers a few years ago. When I saw her the other day, it struck me that she was now an adult. She has transformed into this different person- maybe because of age, possibly because of what she is learning in college, or more likely because of how her experiences are shaping her into someone else.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life also. In July of 2009 I was this person. I was so thrilled with my life in the sense that things were going well. I had a loving husband, great job, and was working towards my Masters. I didn't have everything that I wanted, but I surely had enough.

I was happy. We were happy.

And then a month later we found out we were pregnant and this whole journey of transformation began. It was scary and painful, long and drawn out, and completely unavoidable. I handled it by withdrawing from the world. Not standing still necessarily, but standing back.

Terrified to move forward. Essentially scared to live.

And here we are now. 2011. There was this sense of excitement that accompanied the New Year. Maybe it was more relief, but it just felt hopeful for the first time in months (maybe years.) This year I am dedicated to LIVING. Not just moving through the motions or counting down the days, but truly living. Allowing myself to breathe, feel, fear, try, be. I look forward to sharing it with you and wish you all a wonderful New Year.

This week in the news

2010-08-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

As many of you know we have been closely following the news over the past week or so and have found it to be (mostly) wildly depressing. But every once and a while there are some real gems reported as news. Please let me take this opportunity to laugh a little at life, to enjoy some levity if you will. Sometimes you just need to laugh.

As a disclaimer: We do not think that rape is funny, but we love their response to something so traumatic. And yes, I have been hiding my husband because they're rapin' everybody out here. Homeboy.

Have you ever been friends with an angel?

2010-08-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been friends with an angel? We have.
In fact, we're the parents of an angel. It's kind of an elite club that no one wants to be a part of, but you are all the same. This week we tearfully welcomed our friends Jim and Helen into that club. For those of you close by you may have been following the news or seen Gus' obituary in the paper. What these articles have failed to mention is that Travis was there.

_________________________

Tuesday afternoon Travis received a phone call from our co-worker and good friend, Jimmy A, asking if he wanted to go fishing with he and his son. Anyone who knows Jimmy knows wherever he goes, Gus goes. And you didn't mind having him tag along because he was was an awesome kid.

_________________________

So they decided to go kayak fishing at Norwich Lake, Jim and Gus in one kayak and Travis in another. They noticed that a couple boats were going a little faster than they should, fast enough to make Travis somewhat nervous as the sun began to set. He decided he would move about 200 yards away from Jim and Gus to find another fishing spot when he heard a loud bang. He initially thought the speedboat had hit a dock until he heard another boat asking if everyone was ok. And then he knew what had happened.

_________________________

As he paddled to the accident, Travis saw Jim attempting to hold Gus above the water. He was eventually able to slump him over the side of the kayak until Travis was able to get into the speedboat and pull Gus up. It was at that moment that Travis was able to see the magnitude of Gus' injuries. He was missing his left arm, had broken ribs, ruptured lungs, and gashes on his head and legs. Jim had also been injured with a gash on his leg and deep bruising and swelling on his lower back.

_________________________

Travis held a towel over Gus' back in order to keep as much air as possible in his lungs, but for the second time in 6 months he was holding a dying angel. Jim was able to tell Gus how much he loved him and was proud of him while waiting for the ambulance, but soon after he left his Father he was gone.

_________________________

I visited Hazel the other day, begging for her help to comfort her broken hearted Father and friends. As usual, she was willing to drop whatever she was doing to comfort me. I perceived her tell me that she had been at the accident and helped Travis do what he needed to do in those horrifying moments. I wonder what Gus saw as he looked around the boat that night. She wouldn't have looked like the baby in the pictures he saw at her memorial service, but I hope he was able to recognize her. I pray that her presence was a comfort to him in those confusing and painful minutes.

_________________________

Oh how we pray for you Adampolous family!

What an honor it is to know your angel by name. And we're so grateful to all of you who cared for us during our time of need. So many of your actions and words have guided our steps over the past few days. It is going to be a long journey of healing for all of those involved, including Travis. He is feeling the effects of what I would diagnose as PTSD and continues to struggle deeply to digest what he saw. If you notice that he is not his jovial self, please be patient and sensitive to what he has been through recently.

_________________________

Sweet dreams Gus. We can't wait to see you again on that bright morning of the Resurrection.

Homesick

2010-08-16T09:10:00.001-07:00

There's a song lyric that goes,

"Homesick...cause I no longer know...where home is."

I guess that sums up how I started feeling 6 months ago.

Homesick.

If home is where your heart is, then I am out of place.

The geneticists have come up with a working diagnosis for Hazel-

Cerebro Oculo Nasal Syndrome

The only thing is, they have nothing to really confirm that. Nothing from her blood work indicates genetic abnormalities. According to Hazel's DNA, she should have been completely normal. And CON syndrome does not explain her hands or my condition. There are no new case studies being done in the foreseeable future so we may never know why Hazel was the way she was other than that's how she was supposed to be.

The Doctors are not concerned about a recurrence of CON syndrome if we are able to have more children. There have never been two cases in one family. They are somewhat concerned about other genetic syndromes, especially Fragile X, but I don't have the energy the worry about that now.

In other news, my kidneys have been doing really well. After a lot of blood samples and beefing up my iron for a few months I am looking good. The Doctor says I still have some extra water and swelling going on, but nothing severe. We'll talk more about what another pregnancy would mean to my kidneys when the time comes. Until then, I think they are grateful to have me stable.

And lastly...
I have been called as the 2nd counselor in the Primary Presidency or the 7th level as hell as I refer to it. I should probably censor my true feelings because the Primary President might read this, but she should know what she is getting.

I have never understood children. Not so good with them. They don't understand references to pop culture or use sarcasm, they require constant attention and over dramatization, and they are brutally honest.

I was actually voted least favorite Aunt by my own nieces and nephews. Yes, they ranked us and I was dead last. And just because telling me once would not be clear enough, they repeated it several times so I would know I was not as pretty or fun as Auntie Nikki.

I can say this though, I will be the most organized and researched counselor anyone has ever had. I am money at finding and generating ideas and information. So I am off to aspire to

awesome-ness. Go and do likewise!

Haiti

2010-08-07T07:19:00.001-07:00

After days of rain we landed on Haiti and this was the first sight we saw... blue skies and beautiful water. Haiti was my favorite stop. Needless to say it wasn't officially Haiti, just a beach area owned by Royal Caribbean on Haiti, but still gorgeous.

This iguana greeted us. Is that weird?

Then we went and did our practice run for the big zip line. So far so good.

Next they put you on a truck which takes you to the top of the mountain, better known as the launching zone.

And this is what it looks like from up top. Beautiful day!!!

We thought we should probably get one last picture just in case something went wrong, but we were feeling pretty excited about this.

This is me hooked up and ready to go. Unfortunately it goes by weight so you have to admit how much you weigh to a group of strangers. It's a real confidence booster when you have to stand in line with grown men. I wanted to shout, "I just had a baby a couple of months ago," but no one really cares except you.

And this is the final product, soaring over the ocean at about 30 mph. It was fantastic. My feet almost touched a wave. Travis won the race down against a few other guys so basically he's a rock star.

When we were done we wandered into this paradise and camped out on some chairs.

This was Travis' view. We went snorkeling by those rocks to the right and found some colorful fish friends.

We ended up showering off at the little kids water park because it's much more fun than using a real shower.

There was a great barbeque put on by the cruise. It has ribs, Caribbean music, and dessert. Does it get better? Overall best day of our cruise for me.

Domican Republic

2010-08-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

We did our first excursion in the D.R. We went to Cayo Levantado which was a small private island off the coast of Samana. It had great sand, comfy chairs, and most importantly no rain.

We invented a lot of beach games to keep ourselves occupado however we took time to enjoy a virgin pina colada in a pineapple. This is kind of a great way to live life right here.

The rain was pounding Samana, but oddly enough our ship and Cayo Levantado escaped the pelting for a while.

Travis decided to join the band. Why not? We had some time to kill.

We eventually decided to leave once this cloud was over the island.

We washed up and went over to Samana. Very very poor. Extremely poor. This picture is deceiving. It was good to see though. It was almost like going home again. I felt like I had wandered those streets before in Uruguay. We enjoyed talking to some of the locals about the living conditions and culture. I suppose lately I have been having a hard time identifying happiness and blessings in my life. This was just a small reminder to be grateful for the things I still do have.

We didn't travel in style, but it could have been fun.

Horse tied up along the highway. Seriously, are you sure we aren't in Uruguay?

Last stop, Haiti!

St. Thomas

2010-08-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

After Puerto Rico we headed to St. Thomas. We were greeted by a steel drum student band playing a medley of Michael Jackson hits. I got a great video of Travis dancing which won't load, but just picture it in your head.

Next we went shopping. My good husband bought me a beautiful Marahlago wave necklace for a steal of a price. I'm a kept woman. I'm not complaining.

Luckily the storm clouds seemed to dissipate for a little while and we enjoyed some sunshine.

We decided to take a tour of the island and loved riding in the open air trucks.

We headed up to Magen's Bay and around town. Absolutely gorgeous and also racked with poverty. I guess there's always a price for living in paradise.

By far the money shot of our vacation... this guy was walking his pet goat, Princess, near Magen's Bay. We struck up a conversation and he informed me of all the wonderful reasons to become goat owners. Apparently their milk and cheese are delicious. Little did he know, it's Travis' dream to one day own goats. It was my dream to one day have a picture of myself with a Rasta guy holding his goat so we both won.

Then we headed over to Sapphire Bay to swim for a bit. The water was fantastic. The kind of temperature where you have no hesitation walking right into the water. Love it!

There were some iguana's hanging out on the sand. Very tropical. I had an iguana as a pet for a while. She wasn't very nice, but these iguanas seemed fun.

It started pouring as we were leaving the beach and so we just returned to the ship. Great day. Here's a shot as we pulled away heading to the Dominican Republic.

Boricua

2010-07-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Puerto Rico was beautiful. I get it now. What I don't get is why Puerto Ricans move here? Not as tropical-ly. Our first stop was La Fortaleza de San Cristobal. Gorgeous fort with a labyrinth of tunnels guarding the eastern wall of Old San Juan. It has some amazing views and history.

Next stop, El Morro which is one of the biggest forts built by the Spaniards in the Caribbean. It was built in 1539 and has taken a schlacking by the Dutch and Americans during it's time. As we were walking up there were a ton of families out flying kites. It was really a beautiful site.

And then the rain came.

And it didn't stop. So we embraced it.

There were such beautiful views of the ocean and Old San Juan.

After we left El Morro we walked around downtown just trying to find something to do in the rain. Thank goodness dance parties are doubly fun wet. We ran into this band playing in a plaza and stood around a little while again vowing to take a Latin dance class someday.

We also ran into this beautiful church. I just love that it looks islandy.

We walked around downtown and stopped in some shops. I love all of the bright colors.

I was once told that there was no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris let live. So we considered smoking Puerto Ricans cigars based on his suggestion, but then took our chances.

Lastly, we headed down to La Puerta or San Juan Gate. It was originally built in the 1700's as protection against invaders, but then become the doors through which dignitaries entered the city. There were these amazing trees with pelicans sitting in them and stretches of beach. Again, Puerto Rico you've outdone yourself, you're beautiful.

I love it when we're cruisin together

2010-07-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

We are back from our cruise and feeling lovely. It was was wonderful little vacation and I'm so glad we decided to go. Our first stop was DC for a day or so. We ended up doing the Newseum (thank you for the suggestion Amy). It was really cool and had a great view.

Next we had a sleep over with Mark and Traci at their new place in Baltimore. Needless to say, this is not the first sleep over Traci and I have had... in college Traci and I shared a bed for a summer. I'm guessing it was the highlight of her college career. It was so fun to play with them again. They are full of witty banter. Their daughter is clearly following in their footsteps. When Travis and Emma were playing farm she named the cow, "Poop on the floor." That's my kind kid. Can't wait to have a bakers dozen like her.

The next day Traci dropped us off at our ship. Can you tell Travis was excited?

Maybe even feeling a little Sassy. I love this man so much! ME-OW!

And then of course we did the first thing you should do on any cruise... eat. We weren't even hungry. There was just food, everywhere, so we ate.

And then it was off to Puerto Rico.

Dreaming with a broken heart

2010-06-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

To my rock and refuge,

Happy Father's Day!

Oh the Places You'll Go!

2010-06-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago we were able to celebrate three graduations in the family. Travis received his Master's of Art in Teaching from Elms College. It was a gorgeous day for an outdoor ceremony and I was so proud. Hazel even popped in for the festivities.

My cute Mom graduated the same day at the same time from Springfield College with her Bachelor's. Needless to say we missed her graduation, but she wore sassy shoes and received the highest academic honors- note her fun tassels.

Then we were fortunate to have a family graduation party in New York to celebrate not only Travis and my Mom, but my Aunt Claire (alias Aunt Claire Bear). She received her Doctorate from Columbia University. Here's my proud Grandma with a couple of her extremely intelligent and successful daughters.

My Aunt Claire dedicated her dissertation to her boy Wesley seen here sporting his graduation cap. Very handsome guy.

This picture was ridiculously difficult to get. Who knew it was so hard to throw caps at the same time?

Lastly, Travis was finally able to plant a garden of his own earlier this spring- lifelong goal achieved. We have way too much lettuce, kale, broccoli, peppers, etc. I'm still mad we didn't plant strawberries. Curse your greens.

But it resulted in beef with broccoli for dinner tonight so I cannot complain too much. And no, we just bought the beef.

Last day of school is this Thursday and we are so excited for summer. It has been a terribly

L-O-N-G year for us and we are looking forward to some R&R.

Spirit Fingers

2010-05-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

I'm 30!!!

Let's celebrate

My Gift

2010-05-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

My Mother's Day gift

Hazel's headstone was finally put on! With a little pleading from my good husband the cemetery pushed Hazel to the top of the list so that she would look beautiful for our special day. Travis designed Hazel's headstone to be one of a kind, just the way she is. I absolutely love it and cannot think of anything more perfect for my little missionary.

And not to leave out our other daughter Gidget...

She gave me a snuggle and breakfast in bed for Mother's Day.

She's pretty amazing for never having attended obedience school.

Do you remember?

2010-05-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

Dear Hazel

Thanks for letting me be your Mom. I couldn't think of a better Mother's Day gift. I love you without end and know that this is only our beginning.

xoxo- Your Mama

Dear Ma

Do you remember the time I was in the hospital dying? I know you remember it better than I do. All I could do was lay there in pain, not really understanding what was going on. All I wanted to do was be near Hazel, but she felt so heavy to hold and I was so tired. You would come and put her on my chest so I could look at her, touch her, talk to her, "hold her". You stayed up 7 days straight to make sure she and I were ok. I remember being woken up at 2 in the morning for my medicine and seeing you reading to Hazel. You always had the best reading voice. I wish I had a picture of that. I don't think you've ever had a finer moment as my Mother. That one moment represents years and pieces of my life all in one where when I could not, you always did. It was that moment and a million other scattered moments throughout my life that make you the best Mom. I sure do love you!

xoxo - Your Favorite Daughter

(We can still pretend the others have a shot if you want, but I think we all know who the clear favorite is).

Dear Mom aka my mother-in-law

Do you remember going to kidney dialysis with me? I was really terrified and had already gone through so many tests that day. We were all afraid of Hazel passing away while I was gone. I know I was. You went with me and held my hand, you even gave me a hand massage. You got me water, told me stories, and allowed me to keep my dignity when I needed the bed pan. You were willing to do anything to keep me entertained and occupied. I know the whole time you were just praying that Hazel would be there when we got back. The only time you left me was to comfort that poor woman who couldn't stop crying. She was in so much pain and you were able to calm her down by talking about your children. I know she wished her family was there to hold her hand, but luckily for both of us we had you. Thank you for loving me no differently than you love your own and for forgiving me for bringing Travis back East.

xoxo- Your Favorite Daughter-in-law

(Ok we both know I have the market cornered on this so it's alright to print).

Mother's Day

2010-05-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

Just to get this out of the way

Mother's Day - my baby = CONFUSION

(and some more weird feelings).

Mother's Day is to the childless as Valentine's Day is to the single. I was really hoping not to have to endure another Mother's Day in this category and yet I find myself in a more difficult one. The in between. Not childless and yet not exactly with child either.

I always feel guilty at church for taking a flower which the primary children hand out to all the Mothers. This might actually stem from the time a child gave me one and then asked for it back because there wasn't enough for the Mothers in the ward, but I digress...

Sunday I am going to choose to be happy.

And I am going to allow myself to revel, laugh, cry, completely come unglued, in order to get there. I need to put this in words to hold myself accountable. I wouldn't write it unless I knew it was possible.

So watch out Mother's Day- this year I am celebrating.

5 year anniversary!

2010-04-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

We did it! No big deal, just made it to our 5th anniversary/happy tax day everyone! The most exciting thing about making it to our 5th anniversary is that we no longer have to leave the dance floor after the first round of the "anniversary dance" at our friends weddings. We will make it 2 rounds before they ask us to exit the dance floor. Suck it DJ. Other than that, we are even more blissfully happy than the day we got married.

We have been through the best of times together...

And we have been through the worst....

But by Travis accepting who I am...

And by me accepting him for who he is...

We truly are ridiculously in love.

We are the best of friends.

And we are soul mates.

I think The Velveteen Rabbit sums it up best... "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

I love you sweetie! Thanks for making me Real.

Remember when...

2010-04-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Remember when I used to blog about normal things?

It's been a while. It still might be a while. I will say that Easter was great. We stopped by Hazel's house (that's what we call it). Although we think she's still too young to have her own place, we realize everyone makes their own choices. I feel like she has been given visitation rights to come see us on holidays, especially Easter, which is obviously her favorite. She gently gave me a hug and reminded me of the hope and joy the Resurrection brings. She assured me that she is looking forward to her perfect little body so we can do interpretive dance together- ahahahaha. Ok maybe it's this girl who is looking forward to that. Needless to say this was the best Easter I have ever had. It's the first time I think I have ever deeply reflected and rejoiced in it's meaning.

Besides that we have decided that we deserve a vacation. Really I always think I deserve a vacation, this is nothing new. However since Europe is out of the question again this year (boo Travis for being frugal and responsible) we are heading to our second choice destination- the dirty South. It's the only place in the States we have yet to explore and let's be honest, for good reason. I'm a Yankee and this could end poorly if they see our license plates. So dust off your rap and diamond plated grill we's bout to be hittin up the ATL. If anyone has any suggestions on where we should visit please let me know. I'm thinking Dollywood's a must.

Thoughts?

One Tattered Angel

2010-03-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's been one month today since our sweet Hazel returned to her heavenly home. I frequently find myself wondering what she's doing, who she's met, and if she thinks about us as often as we think about her. Today I might be feeling a little sorry for myself too. Yep, I'm human.

I was recently given the book "One Tattered Angel" by my Aunt Colleen (many thanks!) It's about a family that is caring for a daughter with health concerns similar to Hazel's. There is a line in it that I have been stuck on. It says, "Our church believes in the ministering of angels. I wonder how come you were asked to minister to an angel"? A day doesn't pass that I don't ask that question. I still have no answer. I don't even have the beginning of an answer and I have accepted that I most likely never will in this life. I wish I had a way to wrap up that statement or thought, but it stands alone in my mind.

Today, I just wonder why we had the privilege/challenge of ministering to a tattered angel?

Laughter IS the best medicine

2010-03-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

After rereading my recent blog posts, I have decided it's probably important that everyone know that not only have we been doing a lot of crying lately, but also laughing. Mostly at my expense, but I have zero pride after all I've been through. I thought I would share our top 3 "most hilarious" hospital moments.

This is my Mom and Dad. Cute couple right? Someone should have informed the autopsy Doctor. When she came to deliver the preliminary autopsy results my Dad was sitting with me. She then reported she saw no reason for me and my Dad (whom she thought was my husband) not to try again in the future. At first, I was convinced I misunderstood what was going on because of the pain medication. However my Dad soon corrected her which led me to a few thoughts... a) If you were looking for reasons why Hazel had abnormalities it might stem from the fact that you think I'm pulling a Mackenzie Phillips. b) Really? and c) Gross. My Father takes this as a huge compliment that he looks so young. The rest of us just laugh/throw up in our mouths.

Go ahead. Don't feel guilty for laughing at this picture. Most people would be ashamed to post this, but like I said- zero pride left. Travis and I actually just laughed hysterically looking at this. Apparently I was taking inspiration from Jabba the Hutt because it looks like I ate a whole star fleet. And yes, that is what a person looks like after not showering for 9 days and taking percocet. Lastly, I mentioned that Travis was a pretty good nurse. It takes practice though. Especially the stupid oxygen cannula. This was his first attempt. Not right. Not even close, but good attempt.

#1
There is no picture to accompany our #1 "most hilarious" moment and you'll thank me for that later. Let's just say it had to do with being alone with a male nurse during kidney dialysis, stool softeners, a bed pan, and help using toilet paper. Yeah. If you can't laugh at yourself, life is not worth living.

Happy Birthday Hazel

2010-03-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been a month since Hazel arrived and we began this adventure. Today we are going to celebrate her one month birthday. Even though the pain of losing her is still excruciatingly fresh, a pain so severe I didn't even know could exist until Hazel did, we are better because of it. This has changed everything. I am so aware of my own shortcomings and weaknesses and am trying desperately to improve. I just look forward to the day where I can talk with Hazel face to face and ask her about her journey. Anyways, in honor of Hazel one my extremely talented co-workers wrote a poem. I didn't ask if I could share this so I hope it's ok (thank you Joy).

HAZEL

Through the workings of Heavenly Father,

In answer to years of Prayer,

Through the bodies of Brother and Sister,

Born from their Infinite Care,

On our world was bestowed such a Blessing,

That all who looked on were awed,

To see reflected within a child,

The glorious presence of God.

All of creation met in Communion,

As Heaven and Earth agreed,

No more radiant Angel has graced us,

Than she named as Hazel Reed.

Let Angels Lead You In

2010-03-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends

I'm not quite sure what to say and so have avoided this post for a few days. Let me start with the easy stuff... my health is slowly but surely improving. The Doctors are encouraged by all of my tests and feel confident that I will make a full recovery soon. I am feeling better and better each day, just a bit tired. Who knew a shower could be completely exhausting? The great news is I have lost about 60 pounds in 3 weeks! Yeah. I don't suggest my methods, kidney dialysis, plasma replacement, overall loss of appetite from being immobile in a hospital bed, however very effective. Most of the weight was toxic fluid from my kidneys failing to function. I still have some baby weight to lose, but most of the work has been done for me.

On that note, it took a few days for us all to realize how sick I really was and what the outcome could be. Googling HELLP syndrome afterwards was a semi traumatic experience for me. I met every criteria for "rarely happens, but possible." I am alive today because of the faithful prayers and fasting of so many, the amazing skill and care of the Doctors, and without question due to the vigilance and tenderness of the nurses at Baystate hospital. Our thanks is eternal and we hope for opportunities to repay our debt to each of you.

Now onto the stuff that makes you go hmmm... I think it was the book Tuesdays with Morrie that encouraged the idea of having a living funeral so you could know how much you mean to other people. I believe Travis and I were given that unique opportunity by Hazel. As I reflect on all of the many ways we have been shown love and sympathy over the past couple of weeks I am completely overwhelmed and humbled. I don't have words, and I don't think I ever will, to describe the depth of our gratitude. I cannot tell you what it felt like to see so many of you at Hazel's memorial service. It brought us such comfort and real joy. I'm also grateful that Hazel has allowed us to reconnect with friends and family. What a blessing she is.

And now the hard stuff... we are continually being asked how we are (which by the way is completely fine) and the honest answer is some moments are great and others we are broken hearted. We still do a fair amount of crying ourselves to sleep at night and are struck at random moments with waves of grief, but we are comforted to know families can be together forever. Our sweet Hazel is engaged in a greater work for now, but someday we will all be together again. Hopefully she's preparing her brothers and sisters for this life and talking us up a bit. Travis and I are taking care of each other the best we can (he's actually a great nurse) and are grateful for the uniting power of trials.

I once heard someone say, "Don't be sad it's over, be glad you were able to go through it." That's kind of how we think of this experience. We are the blessed one's. As always, thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf. We love you!

Be Still My Soul

2010-03-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

I know if the time is ever right Kirstin will share with you her feeling about yesterday. For now lets just say how grateful she and Travis were to see everyone last night. They love you all.

Today

2010-03-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

Today is Hazel's day.

We are going to celebrate her sweet little life and would love to share it with you.

Reminder: 3:30-5pm the family will receive condolences followed by a 5 pm memorial.

Kirstin

2010-03-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

I want to keep Hazel's memorial info up top so for an update on Kirstin's health jump over to my blog. Love to you all!

www.thewidings.blogspot.com

March 3, 2010

2010-02-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

Hazel's memorial is confirmed for this Wednesday, March 3, 2010 . The service will take place at the LDS chapel located at 584 West Street in Ludlow. The family will be receiving condolences from 3:30-5pm followed the Memorial from 5-6 pm. We would love to have you join us in celebrating Hazel's brief but powerful life.

Kirstin has come home and is resting. Everyone can breath a sigh of relief. There are still appointments to be kept and test to be done but she is home. Gidget, Kirstin and Travis' puppy, is so happy to have her parents home and is being a very sweet girl.

Again, your outpouring of love has been so appreciated. We can't thank you enough.

Hazel's Memorial

2010-02-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

Tentatively Hazel's memorial is set for this Wednesday. The family will receive condolences from 3:30 pm to 5 pm followed by a 5 o'clock memorial. The Memorial will be held at the LDS chapel located on West Street in Ludow. Again, this all tentative so please check back tomorrow for the official time and date.

Sweet Goodbye

2010-02-25T08:31:00.000-08:00

Hazel has said goodbye to her parents. She is now in the loving hands of Sampson's Funeral Home. We are thankful for them and for the hands that will prepare our sweet Hazel. Last night after a long day my mom was greeted by a friend of Kirstin and Travis who had a gift for them. She brought over a perfect little dress for Hazel to wear. Her mother made it and it arrived yesterday. What a blessing for it to arrive yesterday! Our 3lbs. angel will now look even more heavenly. Thanks Laura!

Kirstin's kidney's are still giving her trouble. Tests are being done and blood drawn. We are hoping things will soon return to normal. In the meantime does anyone have the number for Dr. House? We could really use him right now...or maybe his real life counterpart.

Keep Kirstin and Travis in your prayers!

Love to you all.

Our Little Hazel

2010-02-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

Angel wings are appropriate for this beautiful girl this morning. Around 6:20am Hazel passed away in the arms of her daddy. She is now comfortably resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father. We are so grateful for the MIRACLE and the BLESSING and the MISSIONARY our little Hazel has been. Some people need a lifetime to touch many lives. Hazel needed 7 days.

***I know it goes without having to be said but Kirstin and Travis will be spending some time reflecting on the past week and will be unable to return calls, e-mails and texts. Thank you for giving them some time.***

Love

2010-02-23T17:57:00.000-08:00

Celebrate

2010-02-23T07:56:00.000-08:00

Hazel has some experiences to celebrate. Today she has officially lived every day of the week, seen snow and again snuggled with her mommy. She and Kirstin are resting peacefully today. Kirstin, Hazel and Travis are surrounded with love.

Absolute Perfection

2010-02-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Kirs-

2010-02-22T16:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry the plasma exchange sucked today. I hope it worked. Good luck with the dialysis tonight. Hope you loose some more water weight...that would be cool. Ma says Hazel is sooo in love with you. Well, who isn't right now? You are my hero. Keep you the good work and get better.

I love you,

Dana

p.s. If you get better sooner (rather than later) I will buy you 10,000 Reeses Pieces Eater eggs. Now there's incentive!

Day 5

2010-02-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

Can you believe we are on day 5 of this crazy/amazing/emotional adventure? Me either.

Kirstin:

The plasma exchange didn't work yesterday. Half way through she got a hive in her eye and they had to stop so as I type she is again having a plasma exchange with extra meds to help keep the hives away. Cross your fingers, or whatever you do for good luck, and here's to hoping the plasma exchange goes well.

After we deal with her plasma we are back to dealing with her kidneys. Back to dialysis. This process will most likely continue for quite a while. As long as its helping we are all for it. Besides, last time she had it she took off 10 lbs! Where do I sign up??? Okay, not funny but there's gotta be an up side, right?

Hazel:

She has everybody wrapped around her teeny tiny little fingers. But most of all her parents. She got some more mommy and me time this morning and I honestly think this little girl would live to be 100 if she could just be held by Kirstin forever.

We just love, love, love this baby.

Travis:

Travis is feeling yucky (yes that is the medical term). A sore throat has cropped up so we ask for prayers on his behalf. He has been through the ringer this week. Lets pray for a quick recovery!

Happy Day 5 everyone! Go hug someone you love!

Mother And Daughter

2010-02-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

Our prayers have been answered! Kirstin and Hazel were able to snuggle today! When I say snuggle I mean really, really snuggle. This was a first for them.

Hugs were given.

Kisses were shared.

"I love you's" were exchanged.

Hazel LOVED every second of it.

Kirstin LOVED every second of it.

They were mother and daughter just hanging out and loving one another.

*sigh* This just makes me happy.

Thank You

2010-02-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

Again, we just wanted to say that we are so thankful for all the messages of love. The phone calls, e-mails, texts and flowers are extremely thoughtful. We wish we could get to you all. We soon will; just please bear with us. Know that we have felt every ounce of love and concern coming from you. We love you.

Love, The Jim Forsberg's and The Tom Reed's

Isn't She Lovely?

2010-02-21T09:38:00.000-08:00

That song keeps running through my head. Kirstin and Hazel continue to amaze and we are so proud of both of them. These past few days have been such a blessing. Enjoy these family photos.Mother and Daughter
Hazel Lynnette Reed
3 generations
3 lbs. 11 ozs!

The previously mentioned lovely locks. Look at that beautiful hair!

Grandma and Grandpa Forsberg with grand baby #5

Grandma and Grandpa Reed and Auntie Robin.

Happy little family.

My mom wanted to make sure that everyone knows how grateful she and my dad are for all your thoughts, prayers and help. The food deliveries have been heaven sent and they are grateful you are making it possible for them to stay and help Kirstin and Travis in whatever way they can. Everything is so appreciated! Everything! According to mom Hazel is the perfect little missionary. No surprise there. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Love to you all!

And Baby Makes Three

2010-02-21T07:51:00.000-08:00

Just enjoy.

Families are forever.

Dialysis

2010-02-20T18:28:00.001-08:00

Dialysis is done for today and Kirstin did really well. She is a real trooper. It took about 3 hours. Tomorrow we will find out if it was enough or if she will have to repeat the process. She was able to have some mac and cheese tonight which is her first real meal since her c-section. Hazel is hanging on. This child is tough as nails. Thank you to everyone for all you are doing. More later!

Kirstin Needs You

2010-02-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

We have just found out that Kirstin needs to have dialyses today. This is not entirely unexpected but we were really hoping she would not have to go through this. She is nervous and we are worried. Please keep her in your prayers. Dialyses is today at 1 pm eastern standard time.

Hazel is doing well but she is getting weaker. She is such a strong girl and we love her. She loves to hold hands and she loves her parents and grandparents. Uncle Anders called yesterday via satellite phone from his cutter somewhere in the Atlantic and Hazel got to talk (grunt and coo) to him. Hazel loves her Uncle Anders and he loves her.

Please keep your thoughts and prayers with Kirstin, Hazel and Travis. Thank you!

Meet Hazel

2010-02-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

Guess who decided to make her grand entrance into this world on Wednesday, Feb 17th @ 4 am? That's right. Hazel Lynette Reed is here and she is perfect. This is Kirstin's sister Dana and I thought you all would like to meet Kirstin and Travis' little miracle. So without further adieu let me introduce you to Hazel.

Like I just mentioned, Hazel was born almost 2 whole days ago. She was 2 months premature and delivered by emergency c-section. She was immediately given to her mom and dad so they could enjoy their brief time with her. Guess what? She is still with us! This amazing little girl is 3lbs. 11 oz of toughness. She is breathing on her own and is fighting a fight that we thought was impossible. She's a miracle. But that's obvious, isn't it?

This precious little girl was born with a ton of dark curly hair which, for a Forsberg, is an absolute achievement. Let me tell you-to be 2 months premature and have hair that gorgeous is very, very impressive. Travis says she gets her lovely locks from her Grandpa Tom. I am sure he is right. According to Grandma Robin little miss has dainty hands and long slim legs just like her daddy. Hazel has the cutest ears and sings just like a little bird to whomever will listen. This little girl is a professional snuggler and has caused everyone to fall instantly in love with her.

When Hazel gets fussy there is one sure fire option to calm her, you just take her to her mommy and lay her down and let her listen to Kirstin's heartbeat. When she is with Kirstin she is home, she is content and she is happy.

Hazel is such a strong little girl and truly a miracle. She is close to being 48 hours old and defying all odds. We are so grateful for her little spirit.

She has wonderful parents. Travis and Kirstin love Hazel more then words can express. We all do. Right now Kirstin is very, very sick and the doctors are having a difficult time helping her. She is struggling with HELLP syndrome. We need your prayers for Kirstin, Travis and Hazel. These next few days are crucial and we ask you to keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Over the past two days Hazel has been described as a angel, a princess, a gift, a fighter, a trooper, a beauty, our hero and a miracle. Each and every word could not be more accurate.

She is a miracle and that is a fact.

If you would like to keep current on what is going on with Kirstin, Travis and Hazel feel free to check my blog @ http://www.thewidings.blogspot.com/ or if you are on facebook add me as a friend (Dana Forsberg Widing) and just let me know you are a friend of Kirstin's. I am trying to keep everyone current on her condition there.

Don't forget sweet Hazel, Kirstin and Travis in your prayers and thank you in advance!

40 people, 1 question

2010-02-14T11:04:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite people, Anna, just completed a video project that I love. I am inspired by her topic. Hopefully this will help her get into USC film school. Travis and I are in the movie and you can get an idea of how swollen I am right now. I don't even recognize that person.

So Happy Valentine's Day and enjoy.

Click here to watch: 40 people, 1 question

Out of the mouth of babes

2010-02-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

Brockden, my 3 year-old nephew, caught me rubbing lotion all over my belly the other day. He thought it was a lot of fun to "see Hazel." As he was patting my stomach he said, "Auntie Kirs, how come Hazel doesn't fall out of your hole?" Of course I'm thinking they are teaching a little too much at the preschool level now and got really awkward. As I was trying to formulate how to answer that question in regards to a 3 year-old he asked again, "how come the baby doesn't fall out of your hole," pointing at my belly button. Much better. I still let his Mom handle that one, but at least it wasn't the crisis I had imagined. Out of the mouth of babes....

The latest Hazel update is that we will most likely be induced around the 18th of March. Because her head is developing 3 weeks ahead of her body the Doctors are afraid of head entrapment and all sorts of other complications if they let her go too long. We are aiming for a natural birth, but a C-section is still a strong possibility based on her condition.

We have 5 weeks left with our sweet girl. It breaks our hearts. I remember when sleep felt so good. Now it is the enemy. I cannot lay down without thinking of what that day will be like. Sometimes I dream this is all a mistake and it makes it worse to wake up. Other days I walk myself through the entire day willing myself to face it.

I screamed at Heavenly Father yesterday. Not because I was angry at Him. Maybe because I wanted Him to know how badly I hurt, how I would gladly accept any other challenge if he would spare my daughter. The impressions came so strong that He too "lost" His son and could have spared him, but allowed him to suffer so at this moment someone would know exactly how to succor me. It wasn't total relief, but a feeling of being perfectly understood. With that more complete knowledge, even though I've always known it, I was able to feel some measure of comfort, assurance, and hope.

Please keep praying for us and we will continue to pray for you.

The Long Overdo Update

2010-01-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

I would like to formally introduce you all to our daughter

Hazel Lynette Reed.

This is a MRI picture taken at our last appointment at Boston Childrens Hospital. I love this picture because she is wrestling her umbilical cord and it looks like she's smiling. Unfortuntaely you can also see some of her deformities. They have diagnosed her with a variation of holoprosencephaly which basically means there is so much water on the brain (all of the white) that a brain did not develop. In addition she does not have a nose. I know, it appears as if she has one, but that is her upper lip. Her nostrils, or what should have been her nostrils, are located over her eyes. If you can see the protrusion on her forehead you have located one of her nostrils. Lastly, she has a kinked brain stem. The brain stem controls many of our innate reactions such as breathing and swallowing so you can imagine how important it is.

It's difficult to believe that we just started our 3rd trimester. Some days are really good and we are able to keep a very clear perspective and be grateful for the perfect daughter we have been given. Other days are really bad and I struggle to even get out of bed. It's hard to know that every day is one day less with her physically. Some days I think I have so much to look forward to and then others I am bitter that I am spending my pregnancy looking at caskets and headstones.

From here on out the Doctors can make the decision to take her at anytime based on her wellness and mine. I'm very afraid because I don't feel ready to part with her. I don't know if I ever will. However I do have faith that when it happens Heavenly Father's peace and comfort will not fail us. It hasn't failed us yet.

The Doctors have recommended that we use this time to parent Hazel and do things with her that we would have normally done with her throughout her life. So I would like to introduce you to the newest member of our family...

This is Gidget Brie Reed aka our new puppy.

(I always promised Brie I would name our first born after her so here you go.) We would have given Hazel a puppy at some point because every child should have a dog so we adopted Gidget. We have had her for 6 weeks and she is 4 months old. She is a bassett/doxen mix or a bashound. Actually she's just naughty. If you have seen the movie Marley & Me you have met our dog. There is nothing she will not chew and swallow, no furniture she will not throw up on, and strongly believes that potty training does not apply to her. This is not a great picture, but I can only take one when she's sleeping because otherwise she doesn't stop moving. I have to say she is a lot fo fun and has been a huge blessing in our lives right now. She keeps us busy and get's us out of the house on days when we don't want to confront the world. She's also a great cuddler at night and a good playmate to Brockie.

Lastly, congratulations to the newest graduates in our family. My Mom recently finished her Bachelor's degree and and Travis finished his Master's. They will both be walking in May. I am so proud of them. Travis will most likely begin his second Master's program this summer to become certified in Administration. Good for that guy. My brother Anders will also be graduating from Coast Guard boot camp at the end of this month and will be stationed in Portsmouth, New Hampshire soon. Yea! Another place to vacation near the beach and outlets.

I know I should be better about updating, but I make no promises. I will however post some pictures of me and Hazel aka my belly. I will not post pictures of my cankles so don't even ask.

Again, I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and support at this time. We feel very loved and blessed to have such great family and friends watching out for us.

Unknown Diagnosis

2009-11-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

After many attempts at diagnosing our baby's symptoms the results are officially in and she has an unknown diagnosis. All they can really tell us is that it is not genetic or chromosomal and they have ruled out all trisomy's and tubal defects. Unfortunately the testing raised more questions than answers and we are at a dead end.

The plan is to continue to do ultrasounds every 3 weeks to monitor the progression of her hydrocephalus and single umbilical artery. If she makes it to the third trimester, they may attempt to do shunting while she is still in utero to give her more of a chance at life. The prognosis is still very poor, but they can't give us much to go on.

So with the very few details I have let me tell you what I do know. We have our daughter right now and for now we are happy. It doesn't mean we are are ignoring the future, we are just content with what we have now. We will deal with whatever comes our way when it is time. And at that time, Travis has promised me a puppy so I know it will be ok.

We will keep everyone updated and thank you for your prayers. Also, if anyone has any great suggestions for names we need one asap!

Edward's Syndrome

2009-10-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Well we finally have something concrete to share, good news and bad news. Good news is:

IT'S A GIRL!

Bad news is our baby most likely has

Trisomy 18 or Edward's Syndrome.

We will know preliminary results from the amniocentesis by Tuesday and final results by Saturday. What we do know is our baby has increased hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain), a missing vessel cord, a deformed right wrist (which she may or may not have her hand or fingers), a clubbed right foot, suspected rocker-bottom left foot, and her nose is still on or near her forehead. That's actually just silly, that's not where your nose belongs. She does however have a strong heart beat and a healthy body weight- just like her parents.

Edward's syndrome has a very high fetal fatality rate. If she does make it to term it's most likely that she will be stillborn. And lastly if she does survive the birth, her life expectancy is a year or less, usually 15 days or less.

We are in the midst of testing, genetic counseling, and processing what all of this means. We have big decisions to make within the next few weeks. If we can ask you to continue to pray for our baby we would really appreciate it. Also, if you wouldn't mind praying for us we would be eternally grateful. We feel very confident that Heavenly Father will answer our prayers in regards to what we need to do.

We are of course devastated and yet we are still proud parents. We choose to believe that our daughter is so righteous that she just needed to come for her body. She's made it 17 weeks so our goal is just to be able to hold our daughter, preferablly in this life, but we can settle for the next. We somewhat feel like dead beat parents knowing that our Grandparents will be babysitting our child in the next life for a while until we get there, but all of our Grandparents are great people so we know she will be well cared for and loved.

Again, thank you for your prayers and concern. We are just going to lay low for a while until we get our feet under us. We'll blog again when we have a complete diagnosis. Until then please know we have absolute faith in our Heavenly Father's plan and feel peaceful knowing that we have been entrusted with such a special girl.

We Need a Miracle

2009-10-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

I have quite literally had years to think about how we would announce this to all of our friends and family, but it never occurred to me it would be this way. So...you guessed it.

WE'RE PREGNANT!

We were ready to begin fertility treatments in the fall and it turned out that our "vacation insemination" aka trip to Europe worked. You can only imagine how thrilled we were after trying for so long. We thought our only hurdle would be hearing a heartbeat due to miscarrying in the past. We never even considered there might be other things to worry about.

As it turns out our baby has some abnormalities that are very concerning to the Doctors and us. It has too much fluid on the brain which isn't draining. Right now the specialist has said it is too early to know anything conclusively. In 3 weeks the baby's brain and skull will have developed enough to have a better picture of exactly what's going on. However if the fluid does not drain, this could be very detrimental to the development of the baby's brain and spinal cord.

We are very hopeful with the Doctors reassurance that this may still rectify itself and the fluid may drain. This is probably really bad but if not, our house came with a great wheel chair ramp. Sorry, we really have to keep a sense of humor about some of this.We are just asking people to pray on behalf of our baby, that the fluid will drain and that the baby can have the best quality of life possible. On the 10th of October we will be fasting for our baby's health and would really appreciate it if you could join us.

Thank you again. We are so blessed to have friends and family we can count on when we need them.

Our House!!!

2009-08-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

We have a home!!!

We just began the process of house hunting last week and we quickly learned that Travis and I have different expectations and needs. But after some weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth... we walked into this house and knew it was OUR home. Apparently so did three other couples. So we did the dance. We engaged in a bidding war and just found out WE WON!

http://www.zingding.com/6227170

So we are getting our inspections done this week and should hopefully close by September 22nd! Pray for us.

Erin Go Bragh!

2009-08-15T10:19:00.001-07:00

I have avoided wading through our vacation pictures long enough. I am going to try and post pictures that everyone can find interesting or that I look good in, let's be honest.

We began what we have fondly named the "You're Welcome Europe" tour (more explanation on the name later) in Dingle, Ireland. Dingle is the western most point of Europe and is fairly rural and very authentic. As witnessed by what we saw out of window from our B&B.

We rented a car because it's the best way to get around. TINY streets. Not wide.

Odd feeling driving on the wrong side of the road. It definitely takes conscious thought to stay there. Luckily, the rental car was nice enough to post this sign in the driver's side window. Obviously this must be an issue for others also.

I would definitely move to Dingle. It had an adorable harbor and was near the beach. It also has an albino dolphin named Fungii. Just a fun fact.

We drove the Slea Head Loop which has some amazing views. This picture was taken at 11:00 pm at night. The sun finally set about 20 minutes later. That was crazy to me.

Token animal picture: Just in case you were wondering how you would tell your sheep from your neighbors the answer is paint. You color code your livestock. Fabulous idea. We should do that with children.

If I could have remained on this cliff the rest of my life, I would have been happy. It was absolutely gorgeous. Ireland has the best grass I have ever! I could have made a small bed of grass and dried twigs and been very satisfied.

After Dingle we headed to....

Al-lo!

2009-07-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

We're two weeks in and I don't have pictures to post, but it feels like it going fast. I have found my true calling in life. I was meant to be Euro trash. I am so good at being a vagabond. Kinda scary.

We loved Ireland, London, Rome, Florence was ok, the Cinque Terre is amazing, Nice is a lot of fun if they didn speak that dirty pig latin aka french, and Barcelona is turning out to be great. We're going to watch the Tour de France tomorrow and check out some flamenco dancing and tapas.

Will post pictures when I can. Feeling just a little to old to be staying in a hostel, even if it for the night. I'll explain later.

Chao!

"Summering"

2009-05-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

It all started with a promise made 4 1/2 years ago. When we became engaged I asked two things of Travis. 1) He would get me a baby dog and 2) He would take me to Europe. Fast forward til March of this year...

We received an invitation from some of our favorite people, the Flowers.

Laura, Brice, Megan, and Jackson

are in our ward because Laura is going to law school here. She is doing a summer internship in France where she served her mission and invited us to spend some time over there with them.

Things began to snowball from there. Travis is making good on his promise. Our travels will take us to:

Ireland, the UK, Italy, France, Spain, and the Netherlands.

We've are blessed to be able to stay with friends in the UK, France, and the Netherlands. We'll be staying in hostels or sleeping in parks the rest of the time. I am so excited to sit at the beach in the south of France and run with the bulls in Pamplona! We'll be gone for a whole month. Does it get better? I feel like a person who is rich enough to verb the word summer as in, "we are summering in Europe."

In order to be able to make this adventure a reality these gracious people, aka Mom and Dad are letting us move back in for a few months so we're not paying bills when we're gone. They just look like good people don't they?

And once we're back even bigger things are happening.
Travis will be performing his first wedding for none other than Anders and Nikki, also known as my brother and his girlfriend. Anders will be joining the Coast Guard soon and they're finally making things official. Brocky is excited. Everyone will be coming into town so it will be fun. Everyone including Brie and Russell. I'm pretty sure they are family.

So last part of this plan includes becoming home owners. When we get back from Europe we are beginning our search for a place to call our own. I guess we can admit we'll be here for at least 4 more years. Maybe more if we end up getting our Doctorate's out here. We'll see.

So that's our life right now. I'm really excited to be us. Thank You to all those people who have helped make this happen. We heart you!

La Bo Bina

2009-05-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

This is a little PSA to one special reader

Dear Gina Bo Bina,

NOSY!

Mind your business.

Love,

Ms. Reed

Groundhog Day

2009-03-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have not updated the blog in a while. Bet you been wondering what we've been up to... so pretty much the same. Do you ever feel like you are in the movie Groundhog Day? I have felt trapped in that movie for a few months now. Seriously, routine get's unbearable for me. Everyday goes something like this...

I get to work and have mountains of paperwork to catch up on that I didn't get to the day before.

Then I'm off to grad school or a professional development workshop for a few hours.

Throw in a church meeting or two or something church related.

And you've got my life. Ta-da!

I am so happy tomorrow is the first day of spring. Hopefully I can get over being bored with my life by getting outside. If not, Travis is going to get a phone call from me stating I have decided to run away to Greece and I am never coming back. If anyone would like to join me that would be great, just let me know.

Meet the Press

2009-01-24T20:53:00.000-08:00

So now that we have a new President I am trying to take more of an interest in politics. I'm hopeful that we will see positive change in America. In order to keep up with everything going on I have decided to become a fan of Meet the Press now hosted by David Gregory. I don't know if I can take my man that seriously though after seeing this. I do respect that he has good taste in music, but the dancing...suspect.

Just your regular Brick Tamland

2009-01-14T19:53:00.001-08:00

So if you haven't heard yet it's cold right now. Like really cold.

Back here we have our own weather jargon to determine how cold it is. It's pretty close to science. Each expression is assigned a temperature range and everybody gets it.

Example...

It's cold. (40's. I need a sweatshirt.)

It's wicked cold. (30's. Where is my winter jacket?)

It's butt cold. (20's Message received. Winter jacket on.)

What the hell? (10 degrees. Aka what the hell-it's 10 degrees.)

And the temperature for this weekend...

WTF!!! (Negative temperatures. As in why did we move back to New England?)

Hope that was educational. If you have anymore questions just let me know. I'd be happy to explain how things work.

Step bump bump

2009-01-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

I witnessed something similar to this the other night. I had no idea Travis was so agile. Why is this so funny because it shouldn't be. Thank You Reno 911. Buckle up.

Holy Rollers

2009-01-02T13:36:00.000-08:00

Tithing settlement is finally over for 2008 which basically means I get my husband back. YEA! I still think it's funny that Travis is the Bishop, but the Lord has definitely qualified him for this calling. (Ps how old do I sound saying that?)

But seriously, look how cute he is when he's serving. The Young Women decided to heart attack his door and bring him some goodies. Absolutely the best part of his calling is the immense amount of treats we received this Christmas. Way to go Ludlow ward, keep up the good work.

Not to be outdone, we got a visit from the Stake Presidency a little while ago with a new calling for me. Apparently I wasn't working hard enough. I am now the new 2nd counselor in the Stake Young Women's Presidency. It's amazing that they still haven't caught on and continue to let me influence young minds.

I have been spending a ton of time online digging up all sorts of stuff that's young womeny. I am trying feverishly to memorize the new theme for 2009. Side note- it should not be this hard to memorize. If anyone has any great Young Women ideas for activities, tracking charts, youth conference, girls camp, dances, blah blah blah, please email me. The upside is I have been promised that the glory to work ratio is wonderful.

Reed Rendezvous

2009-01-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

Ok just wanted to toot my own horn here for a second, I am the best wife in the world. Toot toot! Why? Because I got my husband the best Christmas gift in the world, a plane ticket home for a week! He was able to surprise his entire family by showing up unannounced at midnight.

Of course the kids all threw a dance party to celebrate his return.

House was a little crowded, 14 people. Drew ended up sleeping on the dining room floor which is awesome. Probably the best sleep he'll ever get.

Lindsay slipped into her party outfit to join in the festivities.
I don't know how she's still single.

Travis was able to be in present when his sister, Holly, and her family were sealed in the Sacramento Temple. It was a great trip overall and he was back in time to spend Christmas with me. Thanks Reed's for taking good care of him!

The Hills Are Alive

2009-01-01T19:32:00.000-08:00

I was looking at our calendars and I noticed that Travis and I really weren't going to have a free weekend until about April so I decided to book us a weekend getaway. Thank you priceline.com Anywho since I got to pick where we were going I thought why not go some place that Travis would never take me on his own aka Stowe, Vermont.

Home of the Von Trapp Family!

We visited the Trapp Family Lodge which was beautiful in the snow, but unfortunately it was FREEZING

and we only made it a few minutes before we got back in the car.

So what else do you do when it's below zero? Visit an ice cream factory. It's science. Ben & Jerry's was close by so we took the tour and luckily they were handing out my favorite flavor as the free giveaway. I might have had more than one. Travis was shivering so bad in this picture, but he was really trying to be brave and smile. Thin blood- he wasn't ready for the snow.

On the way home we stopped at the birthplace of Joseph Smith. That has been on our list of things to do for so long that I was just happy to cross it off. We took this picture as quickly as we could because it was butt cold. My face was about to fall off.

It was a short trip, but one that was needed. It was nice to have a weekend where we didn't think about homework or callings. I've been given the ok to book a trip in the spring. Any east coast suggestions on where to go?

Back To School

2008-09-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

Think Amy Winehouse, "Rehab."

Back to school writing assignment of one of my students.

They tried to make me go to 8th grade

And I said no, no, no.

They tried to hold me back from high school

But I'm a go, go, go.

This summer we had time

to get on our grind.

So now I'm goin on to 9th grade

that's fa sho, sho, sho.

I love my kids.

So here it is...

2008-09-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends & Family,

So here it is... recent events have prompted me to write about something I never thought

I would share publicly, however I really feel prompted to put my feelings out there. My hope is that my experience will be of benefit for someone else.

My sweet husband and I have been trying diligently to start a family for quite some time. It has been fun, stressful, discouraging, and heart breaking. We have received conception advice from everyone but for whatever reason we have not been blessed with a family yet. This past June I decided it was that dreaded time of month where I would take a pregnancy test "just in case" and be bitterly disappointed. However, to our surprise it was positive! I didn't want to believe until we went to the Doctor's and they confirmed that we were finally going to be parents. I felt like it was an immediate blessing for Travis' sacrifice as Bishop.

This was the"happiest moment of our lives." We were going to wait and tell our families on Father's Day. We had an elaborate plan to tell each family and were jumping out of our skin trying to keep it a secret. I was almost nine weeks along and I was already planning a whole new life.

And then it happened. I began bleeding. And bleeding harder. And cramping. And all of a sudden nothing felt right. It was two days before Father's Day. I took a home pregnancy test: negative. I took another one: negative. I called the Doctor's hysterical and they made a rush appointment. I knew. They knew. I watched the ultrasound tech as she tried to judge my emotional status and whether she should confirm my nightmare or leave it to the Doctor. She left it to the Doctor. I fell apart on the table. Inconsolable seems like such a small word compared to that feeling. Irrational. Reckless. Hopeless. Angry.

I know I scared Travis and my family with my reaction. I felt like God was being intentionally cruel and I had never had that feeling or thought before. I felt like He didn't trust me. I had a complete absence of hope in my life.

It has taken months to scratch the surface of how this event has affected me. I have learned that for me, talking about it to some people is best. It acknowledges that it was real. Miscarriages feel so tricky because it is something you never really had, just the hope of something. It truly is the "sorrow that the eye can't see."

I feel like after I reached out, many people related that they too had suffered miscarriages or had difficulty getting pregnant. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me how to get through it, how to bear the unbearable. Two things. 1) I have a testimony that fasting and prayer can return hope to even the most hopeless. It may be a glimmer of hope, but it is something to cling to. 2) My sister-in-law Robin (thank you) emailed me an article the other day that really just made sense. It spoke to me. Whether it's true or not, I want to believe it.

http://segullah.org/cjane-speaks/the-hourglass-theory/

It's short and worth reading if you have a moment. I was hoping that the day I finally shared our miscarriage would also be the day I said we're pregnant with a healthy baby. Unfortunately that's not the case, but the reality is that day by day hope and peace creep steadily back into my life and that life continues on. It has been a process. A transition.

I'm not exactly sure why I am writing this post or why I am even able to, but I think this is cathartic. I just want to thank everyone that has prayed for us and kept us in your thoughts. We have truly been uplifted by your faith. It would have been impossible to pick myself up without you.

With much Love, Respect, & Friendship,

Kirstin

In West Philadelphia Born and Raised

2008-08-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

So this summer Travis and I were like the baby borrowers except we borrowed our teenage nephew for a month. AJ was awesome and we're excited to have teenagers someday. He came out from California for a month and played with us. He's 15 and was gracious enough to go along and do all the historical sites we wanted to do. Thanks AJ.

Our first stop on the east coast tour was Philadelphia. I haven't been there as an adult so it was newly fascinating and singing the Fresh Prince theme song over and over again does not get old. While there we walked past this guy on the street and I kept thinking to myself, "I know that guy." I couldn't place him til I was half way down the block and and then I had to turn around and get a picture with him. Ok American Idol fans: who remembers the "Let my people go" guy? Yep. He was a tour guide. He seems kind of slow which I suppose is not a surprise after believing he can sing. Good times.

We were there on July 2nd and 3rd which was really fun because they it's Philly's holiday really. We stayed in Chinatown in this pretty iffy place (sorry Wendy) and saw a lot of police action. At midnight we got hungry and went out for some Chinese. We ended up watching one of their game shows in the restaurant and were the only people that spoke English. It was so fun though. You don't need to know Chinese to appreciate their game shows. It was an international bonding experience.

My Bestest Friend

2008-07-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in forever, but I am going to try and make up for it now. My summer has been amazing so far! You cannot beat this teacher thing. I'm going to post my summer out of order, but I'll get to everything. First up: I was finally able to visit my BFF Brie in Oregon. I heart her! I hope everyone is lucky enough to have someone like Brie.

I miss you friend!

2008-06-18T03:15:00.000-07:00

Celtics in 6!!!

If your mind was just blown, you're welcome.

2008-06-06T03:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Dana!

Today my older sister is 30, flirty, and fabulous.

We love you.

(Stop with the social grooming.)

Send Me On My Way

2008-06-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

For those of you who read my last post these past two weeks have been busy for a million reasons. There were 3,000 people in attendance at Mario's funeral. I praised Jesus for 4 hours! If this Mormon thing does not work out I have been assured that I am saved. It was beautiful though and it has brought the community together.

Mario's mother broke out into song. She was amazing!

Varsity players carrying the casket. The players are beginning group therapy soon which was offered as a free service by an outside clinic. So grateful for that. One player received a $10,000 scholarship in Mario's name and other scholarships have resulted from his death. Some good out of the bad. You can just see Travis in the back right hand corner.

The school probably thought it was a good idea to give us a break after that so they sent the Reed's to the senior picnic. Here's Travis and Mr. Rice getting ready to climb the rock wall. He's so hot in that equipment! YOW!

Ok there's me. Ps- it really hurts if you don't have shoes on.

What do white kids do at the Senior picnic? Play ultimate frisbee. Just so happens Mr. Reed is a beast at frisbee. I think it's cause he's tall or it could be that he knocked over high school students to win. Could be both.

Then on Sunday as many of you already know Travis was sustained as the new Bishop of the Ludlow Ward replacing my father. Yeah they made that guy Bishop. So that makes me Mother of the Ward. Yes, he is 28. And no, we NEVER even thought that was a possibility. It was great to hear the audible gasps and several "OH MY GOSH's!" Good news is we had 12 co-workers who came to support him. More investigators than I ever got to church on my mission. One wants to sit down with the missionaries and us and another one has already committed to come to church again and asked for a Book of Mormon.

Travis' Mom, sister Holly, and niece Bailey were able to make it from California. It was a fun visit. Bailey and Brocky had a great time trying to find a bunny that was in the yard during a family cook out. They're totally dating.

We went to New York City for Memorial Day and played on the subway. Good Times.

This is Travis' Mom haggling over a purse. When she actually got the price she wanted she walked away. It was a piece of crap anyways.

Next we spent some quality time with thousands of our closest friends in Central Park. I have never seen so many people there at one time.

We decided to skip the Empire State Building and be different and go up 30 Rock. This is the end result. You would think we had to walk up.

We ended the night with by walking around Times Square. Always interesting when it's late. But it was good trip. We did Boston the next day, but I'll save that for another post.

Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day and is getting ready for summer!

The World We Live In

2008-05-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

First off I completely apologize for not updating the blog for the past month. A birthday and anniversary pasted and finals were taken, but I just didn't find the time or anything interesting to write about. But tonight I feel the need to rant and then possibly back up and give thanks. I think I've said this before, but Travis & I teach at an inner city high school. Most days you wouldn't know you were at an inner city high school. I'm sure we deal with things all the time that we don't even identify with that label, but that others would see at "ghetto." And then again there are times when it creeps up on you and becomes very real and overwhelming. You feel helpless and unable to facilitate change. You lose that sense that what you're doing is honestly making a difference and that it is worth everything you go through.

This past weekend the captain of the varsity basketball team at our school, was murdered. Travis, being a coach for the team, is crushed. It was a case of wrong time, wrong place, and of course had to do with gang violence. So many questions come out of this. But I guess my biggest question is what do we have to offer these kids that is more enticing than the streets? Most are unable to afford college with how ridiculous tuition costs are right now. And then we as a society tell them that they can't do anything without a degree. As a nation we have outsourced so many good jobs and have reduced the value of a plumber or trades to something that only immigrants or idiots would choose to do. What do we leave them with?

The streets offer quick answers and even faster cash. It offers a sense of community and protection. And most of all it gives them purpose and value within their sphere of influence. How do we combat this? I know some of the answer to this, but it just seems easier to head out to a suburban school where kids die from drunk driving or suicide, where it seems they have a choice in their tragedy, rather than senseless violence.

But in all things give thanks. Right now, what we specifically have to offer, is our belief in the plan of salvation. I'm grateful for Temple work and a Savior who manifests the godliness of all people through sacred covenants with our Heavenly Father. I guess that is where the hope comes from that we continue to share and deplete with these kids, and then we go to church or the Temple and have experiences that renew that hope and faith.

Sorry for the soapbox. If you would like to see the story about Mario you can go to this website. http://www.wwlp.com/Global/story.asp?S=8339816. If not, thank you for listening. I don't want to be a Debbie downer, but just wanted to provoke thought on what we can all do individually to make the things or people under our stewardship just a little better.

Teenage Wasteland

2008-04-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

This week Travis had his season opener as a baseball coach. He had 3 semi tough games right off the bat. The boys improved over the week and had some really great moments, but are struggling to keep their errors down and get their hitting up. Coach enjoys sitting on an open bucket during the games. It doesn't appear comfortable, but it's his thing. I'm proud of him.

Travis talking up the line up with one of his assistant coaches, Mr. Jones. Although not a prerequisite to go onto the field during a game at the freshmen level, Mr. Jones enjoys the baseball pants and is a firm believer in wearing them at games.

We roll deep to support Coach. This is Brocky, Anders, and Nick watching an infield error. Even Brocky gets it.

Like Father like son. Brocky kept taking Anders hat to wear throughout the game.

Post game pep talk. He is such a good coach.

This is a scene we tend to recreate every 2 weeks. Travis and I have a Saturday morning class twice a month that has insane amounts of expository reading. And of course we enjoy torturing ourselves and waiting until the last minute to start. We usually preemptively reward ourselves with take out to get us through the night. A student from our school was working at Taco Bell last night. We ordered 5 things, got 11. There are some unspoken benefits to being teachers.

Hu Ke Lau!

Our friends the Ripley's own the Polynesian dance production company that performs that the local Hu Ke Lau so they invited us for dinner and a show. I thought this was kind of a cool picture of the Tahitian dancers.

Moki is so talented and beautiful it's ridiculous. She can do things with her hips at age 40 that I have never been able to do. Must be nice.

Travis and Anders had their first catch of the season.

It was a broodstock salmon. Travis actually caught it so it was a "big deal" because Anders has caught the first one of the season for the past 3 seasons. They grilled it up nice during Conference weekend and I didn't touch it. It grosses me out, but I'm glad it makes him happy.

Welcome Back

2008-04-07T03:42:00.001-07:00

My favorite employees of Dunder Mifflin will be back this Thursday. Is anyone else obsessed with this show? Who is your favorite Office employee? I personally am a big Jim fan. I have to get all of my homework done before Thursday now so I can watch uninterrupted. Happy Viewing.

SPRING!

2008-03-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

I just thought I would update you guy's on what's been going on these past few weeks. My time home alone was wonderful, but it's nice to have my husband back. It's almost spring! We've been getting flurries on and off, but we're hoping we've seen the last of snow for right now. I took my last 2 teacher tests and I'll find out if I passed in the middle of April. I really hope I'm done with those. Anyways...

Travis will be coaching the boys freshmen baseball team starting Monday. He just got his cleats and Fungo bat so he's really excited. Now we just have to get him a good Red Sox hat to practice in and he'll be ready.

One of his Christmas presents was a ticket to go see Seinfeld perform in Springfield. Seinfeld is his favorite! He did not disappoint. He said he was hilarious for an hour and a half which if you think about it, is pretty hard to do. Travis was a little freaked out because it was a crowd of white people. After living here for a while white people do begin to freak you out. You almost feel like you've done something wrong when your in that kind of homogeneous crowd.

3, 2, 1, Dodgeball! Travis also took part in the school dodgeball tournament. His team won! Do you remember when you used to think 30 was old? Yeah these kids just think our staff (which is mostly comprised of late 20's to early 30's) is geriatric. They don't know what to do when their butts get handed to them by their teachers. It was beautiful and Travis did not hit anyone in the head this time.

Last but not least... I have gone to one of my Doctor's appointments this month. I am currently down 10 pounds since my last appointment, but was advised to lose 10% of my body weight. More than half way there so that's good. My blood pressure is looking good and they could find no obvious reasons why we haven't been able to get pregnant. So I think that's good news. Maybe. ? ! I have my next appointment on the 24th and we'll see how that goes. I feel good and I am hoping for good news with the cardiologist.

Do married people really do this?

2008-02-28T12:39:00.000-08:00

So here it is...I am home alone for 5 days! I don't put an exclamation point because I'm really that excited to get rid of my husband, but every once in a while it's nice to have some time to yourself. He's off to California for a few days and I'll miss him. But just thought I would give you guys an idea of how much time we really spend together.

We work at the same high school. Different floors, but we always have the option of seeing each other if we need to.
We have one car. We drive to work together, leave together. If one of us has to go someplace alone, the other person has to drop them off and pick them up.
We have had at least one grad school class together for the past year. We share the same books and spend our Saturdays listening to lectures and trying to make sense of our notes together.
We have a stake calling together and we are both 4th Sunday Relief Society and Elders Quorum teachers. We travel most Sundays to other wards and branches and where we basically put on the "Reed Show".
Every Sunday night we become Elder and Sister Reed to our Addiction Recovery Group. Yeah. So after travel time, preparation, set up, group, take down, and assessment of how it went- that's pretty much our night.
We coach the same season so we are always at each other's events helping out or supporting.
We have a lot of students in common so not only do we "work" together to creatively problem solve we are role models for what a marriage should look like to staff and students.

I am probably forgetting some stuff, but suffice it to say we are constantly together. I know some of you are jealous. It is nice to have him right here whenever I need him. But I think, just for the next few days, I am going to enjoy my alone time.

A Cinderella Story

2008-02-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

In what can only be described as A Cinderella Story, my girls performed fiercely at the Western Mass Swim Championships this past Monday at Harvard. Everyone had an amazing swim and I was so proud to be their coach. The medley relay dropped 7 seconds off their time as our freshmen phenom was personally responsible for 3 of them. The individual swims didn't end up qualifying for states, but did however boast best times for all. Those times were good enough for 1 of them to receive phone calls the next day from several colleges and the NCAA clearing house. Our 400 free relay dropped 11 seconds out of nowhere and ended up with a 12th place finish, enough for a ribbon.

But the huge surprise of the day was the 200 free relay. The boys team had just qualified for states two heats before us and now the pressure was on. They needed to drop a combined 4 seconds to make states. 4 seconds is not a lot in terms of time. However in a race that is a dead sprint it's almost impossible. But I believe in miracles and apparently so do my girls. Not only did they qualify, they are close to beating the school record set by a dream team of swimmers. This comes on the heels of a no win season. It couldn't have been scripted better. The reaction was priceless. They are the little girls from the hood that could. We will be back at Harvard this Sunday at 7:30 am to hopefully lay claim to a record that rightfully belongs to the lionhearted. Please keep us in your thoughts!

In other news, Travis' freshmen basketball team completed a perfect season today. 21-0. He was very afraid of pulling a Pat's, but ended up running away with his last game 78-47. Travis earned high praise from the officials, parents, and players for being a coach with class, optimism, and the ability to focus on learning the game instead of winning. Yea Coaches Reed!

Bunko Night!

2008-02-09T20:15:00.001-08:00

I'm actually somewhat embarassed to write about this, but it's true: I am officially part of a girls bunko night that will be happening monthly. I went to my first one tonight. Few observations...1) Stay at home Moms like to make a lot of noise when they have the night off. 2) I miss real food. 3) Who really cares about Bunko? I need a solid game of Phase 10 or Ultimate Spoons to get my Irish up. 4) If you win the prize for lowest point scorer, do you even want it? That's basically saying here is your prize for being a loser. And 5) If you receive wall words as your gift and you don't want words on your wall are you allowed to switch?

Overall good times. I admit I got caught looking at my watch with an hour to go. I know, I had to back pedal. It's just weird to hang out with a bunch of girls again. It's been quite a while. It makes me miss my friends, roommates, sisters, cousins, etc. Just know I was thinking of all of you guys tonight. I wanted nothing more than to go back to the simpler times when I would get body checked into a door frame by Brie as she made a diving leap for a pile of spoons. Gosh I miss everybody. Fun girls rock!

Heart Smart

2008-01-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

I apoligize. I know it's been awhile. I will be done with my regular swim season tomorrow and will only have to worry about post season swimmers until the end of Feburary. I also started my spring semester class. It's Saturday mornings from 8:30 -12. Kind of sucks, but it's way better than Friday night class.

I admit I have been avoiding updating the blog because something significant happened and I have been coming to terms with it. As some of you may know Travis and I have been unsucessful in trying to get pregnant. I finally worked up the courage to go to the Doctor to find out what's going on and was greeted with some unpleasant news. The Doctors are very concerned about my heart. Apparently I have a flutter and extremely high blood pressure/other heart irregularities that have technical terms I don't understand. They took a lot of blood (and were not gentle about it) put me on a very strict diet, and are asking me to document basically every step I take. I have to visit the nurse's office at school every week to check my BP and some other stuff. At the end of March I will go to the hospital to have further tests done to determine if the blood flows correctly to my heart, blah blah blah.

It's hard because I feel just fine, no different than before. I don't think I ate that bad and I'm stressed, but no more so than at any other time. I do have "heart cramps" which I thought other people got. Guess not. They are concerned because I have similar symptoms to my Dad's A FIB condition. (For those of you who don't know my Dad has undergone 2 heart surguries in the past few years and almost died after they botched his last surgery.) So I'm alittle concerned/anxious/paranoid. And the worst part... they feel very strongly that I should not try to get pregnant now or soon because they don't feel my heart could stand the pregnancy right now. Don't get me wrong, I want to live, it's just somwehat startling and depressing.

The upside: I will lose alot of weight which is always good and I am signing up for every 5k or biatholon in the spring. If I have something to train for I think I will be more motivated during my workouts. I am also signing up for a walking marathon in Maine in the fall. Yeah I'm not that cool, i'm walking and jogging if the occasion arises. My diet is going well although I dreamed about eating potato chips the other night and woke up alarmed. I don't even like potato chips. Bland food is growing on me. And for whatever reason this is a blessing in disguise. I am learning a lot about self mastery and that's something I lack. So there it is. I am fine and I have faith that I will be better if I follow the Doctors orders. In the mean time, low sodium no taste.

Winter Break

2008-01-01T17:18:00.001-08:00

A's. That's how we started off our Christmas morning. We received our fall semester grades and Travis and I both got all A's in our grad classes. That, in and of itself, was the best Christmas present I received. Other than that winter break was spent mostly sleeping, eating, and coaching. We received a few snow storms which Brocky did not think was cool. This was like the moment in A Christmas Story when Ralphie had too many layers on. Not stoked to sled. But he did have on his cute Pats beanie. GO PATS!

Travis was good enough to get me a lot of gift certificates so that I could go pick out fun clothes instead of angry lesbian clothes which I have apparently been wearing according to my students. He in return received fishing and golfing gear. His big present was a ticket to go see Jerry Seinfeld perform. Who knew he would come to Springfield?! But he is Travis' favorite so I think I won for best gift this year.

Other than that we had a swim team fund raiser at the bowling alley. It was awesome! The Reed's tore it up (suck on that Stott's!) Most of the kid's were very well behaved and we had a great time making fun of the kid's from the suburbs that were there. I had a higher score than the other swim coach that is super competitive and it felt so good.

We went to and caught a varsity basketball game in the New Haven Holiday Tournament.Yeah. Besides the refs we were the only white people there. The stats on Hill House High School: 1200 kids, 1100 black, 75 hispanic, and 25 white. Seriously. But it was fun. We didn't play well, but it was good practice for our guys. We're the team in the black.

So that was pretty much our break if you add in gaining a lot of weight and watching a lot of movies. Teaching is the best! It was nice to be us again for a week instead of being Mr. and Mrs. Reed all of the time. We hope everyone had a great holiday and has a wonderful New Year's.

I've been tagged

2007-12-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

6 things you may not know about me:

1. I met my husband on my mission. Elder Reed and I were in the same MTC district, but never served together in Uruguay. My Mission President told me in my exit interview that one of the reason's I was there was to meet Elder Reed.

2. I am not an innate extrovert. I am a great wingman, but I hate meeting new people. Someday I want to be like Buddy the Elf and be friends with everyone.

3. If it wasn't so weird I would go to nude beaches. I like swimming in the buff. I have done hiking in the buff, cliff jumping in the buff, and some other stuff. Yep. One day when the world's a more open place.

4. I just signed up to take diving lessons. I am in charge of the girl's diving team also and really know nothing about diving from a diving board so I figure I should learn. I'll let you know when I get hurt.

5. I love to dance. Anytime, any place, almost any music. I LOVE a good dance party!

6. I know he's a freak, but I love Michael Jackson. He is the King of Pop. I have his music videos and CD's. Just in case I ever have the chance to meet him I have memorized some of his dances.

*If you now hate me more after learning more about me, just remember you choose me as a friend. Hugs not drugs!

S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D

2007-11-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

WARNING: VULGARITY AND HILARITY ENSURE!!!
This is a true story to illustrate just how ghetto Springfield can be. My co worker's best friend is an intake counselor for the Department of Youth Services (DYS). The other day she received an intake packet and needed to speak with the child and the Mother to verify that all the information was correct and that the child would be provided the services he needed. She noticed that the child's first name is spelled: S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D. She is thinking either this is a really bad joke or whoever did this kid's initial paperwork did not like him. So she speaks with the Mother hoping that she will mention the kid's name. Nothing. She tries to ask questions that would have the Mother mention his name. Nothing. Finally she has to speak with the boy. So she says, "is Shithead there? May I speak with him?" The Mother becomes immediately offended and says, "it's (pronunciation) SH-THEED, but it's still spelled SHITHEAD. Ok I thought maybe their not from this country. No, they're Black. So morale of the story, be grateful for your name. You could have been Shithead.

Brocky's 1st Birthday

2007-11-18T17:46:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that Brocky is already one, but that's what the cake said. The Forsberg Fam got together to party (like we need a reason) and celebrate the Brock's first birthday. Admittedly, he was really tired and wasn't that interested in opening gifts. But we had a good time. He got a lot of fun toys and books, some warm pajamas for this winter, and a really fun tent with different tunnels to crawl through. He was having a ball playing hide and go seek in that thing. You could leave him in a padded room all day by himself with his tent and that would not get old. It was Curious George theme and Grandma made "mice cream" for everyone. I did learn however that we will not be having too many party favors when we have kids seeing as Travis likes to blow them in people's faces. Apparently that does not get old either. But that's why I love him. Wish you were here. Happy Birthday Brocky!

The Von Trapp Family Singers

2007-11-04T15:31:00.001-08:00

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Ok I have no shame in my game. Anyone that knows me well already knows this so I don't feel bad admitting that my favorite movie of all time is The Sound of Music. Probably like the best movie ever made. The Von Trapp Family children were performing at Yankee Candle and my Mom and I went.
It was really fun for a fan like me. Yes, it was over the top cheesy. Yes, they did a Christmas song with animals sounds. But they also did a lot of the music from the movie. The "children" were actually great grandchildren of Kirt. The girls were all wearing Maria's actual performance costumes which is kind of cool. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend it to a friend. Mom and I had a great time. And to all of you closet fans, so long, farewell auf wiedersehen goodbye.

We Believe 2007!

2007-10-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for reminding me that it's time for a new post. If you follow the sports world the past few weeks have been intense for us Red Sox fans. As a result of all the late night games I did indeed get sick, but pumped enough non drowsy tylenol cold and sinus medication through me to stay up for game 4 of the World Series and then called in sick the next day. Awesome! Things I learned while watching this series:
1. I want to be a Red Sox. It's way better than being a rock star.
2. I really don't get Papelbon, but any man that does Riverdance in a kilt has my vote.
3. If we don't resign Lowell we're going to have something to complain about again. If we sign A-rod we're going to have something to complain about again.
4. Jacoby Ellsbury. Love him. Hate made up names. Either Jacob or Toby. Not Jacoby.
5. I want a parade where I get to ride in the Duck Boats.
6. Manny being Manny. Can I use that excuse?
7. Games at midnight are always better with cold Chinese food.
8. Yes, I do think I am a homeplate ump because most of those pitches were outside.
9. Dustin Pedroia is officially my favorite because he's awesome, but Youkilis has the best name to cheer.
10. YANKEES SUCK!

Live from New York!

2007-10-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

So Saturday we went to the City with my parents and had a ton of fun. We went to the Museum of Natural History, walked around Central Park, Times Square, Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, Broadway, etc. Anyways when we walked past the Ed Sullivan Theater there was a sign to enter into a lottery to win free tickets to watch a taping of The Late Show with David Letterman. Big news: WE WON!

We went back down to the Manhattan Monday night and almost walked into P. Diddy on the street. Good thing his security guards were humongous and scary looking. Did not even try to take a picture. Then we ate at Carnegie Deli (delicious) and noticed that they were filming a movie on that block. We were trying to figure out who was in the movie when Terrance Howard was headed in our direction and we figured out we were in his shot. Poop! But it was fun. "Fighting" costars Channing Tatum (for all you Step Up fans.) I once got in big trouble with Travis for calling him "eye candy." That was cool. We then went and watched the taping for Friday night's show. It was freezing in the theater but they really do pump you up when you get in there. I think my hands are bruised from clapping. We saw Amanda Peet, Patrick Warburton (Putty), and the comedian Jeff Caldwell. It was really amazing to watch Letterman in action. He's really spry for an old guy.

After that we wandered around Times Square at night and got some cheesecake- and the new Feist CD which is awesome. All in all one of the most fun nights of my life. Everyone should come visit us and we'll head down there. I love NY.

All the things you never cared to know about Me

2007-10-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

Seriously I'm all tagged out. Now you guys know everything about me.
Jobs I've had:
1. High School Teacher
2. Swim Coach
3. Substance Abuse Counselor
4. Secretary at surf shop
5. Lifeguard
Movies I can watch over and over:
1. Goonies (my favorite)
2. Crash ( I sometimes watch R movies if they have strong political or ethical themes-there I said it)
3. The Notebook
4. Mean Girls
5. Anything with Owen Wilson
Places I've Lived:
1. Springfield, MA.
2. Laie, HI.
3. Uruguay
4. Brazil
5. Las Vegas, NV.
TV Shows Past and Present:
1. The Office
2. The Sarah Silverman Show (I know, but it's so funny)
3. American Idol
4. So You Think You Can Dance
5. SNL during the 90's
Last 5 places I've been on vacation:
1. Cape Cod
2. California
3. Lake Tahoe
4. Maine
5. Disneyland/Los Angeles
Favorite Dishes:
1. Mom's Chinese chicken salad
2. Country fried steak and potatoes
3. French toast and bacon dripping with maple syrup
4. BLT's without the T
5. Any Chinese takeout
Websites I visit daily:
1. Msn.com or Slate.com for news
2. People.com for all the hot celeb gossip
3. Gmail.com to check my email
4. Friends and families blogs
5. Youtube.com because there are so many funny things on there
Places I'd like to visit:
1. EUROPE! For the love...
2. Africa- hi Lindsay. Save a mosquito tent for me
3. Uruguay to visit my "other family"
4. Hawaii because I belong there
5. Oregon to see the Widings and Stotts
That is in no particular order friends.

The ABC's of Me

2007-10-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

The ABC’s of Kirstin (Nikki it's coming back at ya)

A-Attached or Single: pleasantly attached, although during basketball season I feel like I am single.
B-Best Friend: Travis and Brie- sometimes it's hoes before bros.
C-Cake or Pie: Cake without frosting. Too much sugar.
D-Day of Choice: Saturday- all day.
E-Essential Item: Slippahs. I can't wear shoes.
F-Favorite color: Green to go with my dazzling eyes. (Although Travis wanted our wedding song to be "Blue Eyes." Yeah.)
G-Gummi bears or worms: Do cinnamon bears count?
H-Hometown: Springfield, MA! Home of scholars and champions
I-Indulgences: Lately it's been anything mint i.e. ice cream, cookies, milkshakes.
J-January or July: July at the beach.
K-kids: Seriously we're trying. Get off my back.
L-life is incomplete without: my sweet husband.
M-marriage date: April 15, 2005. I always forget the year.
N-number of siblings: 2 sisters and 1 brother.
O-oranges or apples: Oranges. One of my pet peeves is "apple lip". Watch someones lips the next time they eat an apple. It's disgusting.
P-Phobias or fears: Public speaking and failure. I actually get a rash when I speak in front of people. Not cool.
Q-Quotes: "I know the crap out of women," Michael Scott from The Office
R-Reason to Smile: I'm going to a corn maze today and it's a long weekend.
S-Season: summer: sand, surf, smiles, sun, swimsuit, strawberries. It's doesn't get better.
T-Tag: It's karma... Brie, Ash, and Nance (if you ever change your post)
U-Unknown fact about me: I'm a foot cuddler. Cannot fall asleep without rubbing my feet against Travis'. Weird! So next time I sleep over...
V-Vegetarian or Meat Eater: If it doesn't come from an animal I don't want it.
W-Worst habit: Occasional foul language. Maybe?
X-X-rays or Ultrasounds: I'll go with X-rays since I've had a million Ultrasounds. Don't want to be trendy.
Y-Your favorite food: Fast food. Chinese, McDonald's chicken nuggets, Bruno's pizza, Wendy's Frostys- the list could go on and on
Z-Zodiac: Taurus. Stubborn but cute. We are the universe's playground.

The Game Is Afoot

2007-09-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

So we have started looking at houses. We have found a house that we absolutely adore. It's a little more than we wanted to pay, but we'll see. I think we could negotiate the $5,000 over budget. It's got 3 good sized bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, and a gorgeous yard. You can tell the people that own it have taken very good care of it. We'll see. We're new to all of this and it's kind of scary, but we are anxious to buy. It's got a dining room for my table! SO Important to me! The best part is the owners are still looking for a new house and our lease isn't up til the beginning of December so it might work out well. We're going to keep looking around, but it's exciting. I feel kind of weird going through people's houses. A little voyaristic, but I could get used to it. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it. Wish us luck!

Travis' Other Hobby

2007-09-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

I've told you about the fishing, golf , basketball, etc, but I've never told you about this hobby. Travis is a huge people watcher, as are most of us. However, Travis LOVES to take pictures of (how shall I say this) aberrant people. I swear someday we'll compile these and make a book which will earn us our millions. He usually has no shame either. He won't even pretend to be taking a picture of something else. I admit I laugh. I'll try and post more of these every once and a while. So as an ode to him, I present Travis' Other Hobby.

The Big E

2007-09-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

New England State Fair time again. Always a favorite of ours. Yes, we did spend $100 on food. We're very serious about doing the Big E right. And of course I caught a lot of beads at the Mardi Gras parade. No, I don't have to explain how that happened. I saw all of the animals and even paid a dollar to see the world's smallest horse (which was NOT 19" like the sign said). We were almost sold on a lot of amazing household products, but we spent our money on food so that will have to wait til next year. I apologize to those we went with. We missed the Brooke Hogan concert because I thought she would have an opening act. Turns out she performed 2 songs and Hulk Hogan was a no show. We had a lot of fun though and as always the lobster bisque from the Maine building was fantastic.

Nice Day for a White Wedding

2007-09-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend we went to Anders' girlfriend's (Nikki) sister's (Bertie) wedding. Odd sidenote: the bride's real name is Roberta Jean aka my Mother's real name which she REALLY hates. Anywho- it was classic. The limo broke down on the way to the outdoor wedding and arrived just in time for some drizzling and thunder. You could hear the bride yelling, "I'm not happy. Not happy!" right before she walked briskly down the aisle. Kids were crying, violins weren't playing. It was something to see. Needless to say nothing deters us Forsberg's from having a good time. We had so much fun watching Brocky get pulled down the aisle in his knickers and news boy cap. He also hit himself with a spoon part of the night and hence had some scratches on his head. Mom and Dad boogied to the anniversary dance and things ended on a fairly up note. Thank You Allen Family and Congrats!

Breaker breaker 1-9.

2007-09-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

Last post I promise. So tonight at the home opener for our high school football team there was one of the biggest gang fights I have ever seen or had the chance to be a part of. Yes, be a part of. Literally parents and students were jumping over a fence and running onto the football field to get away from the fight. It was like running of the bulls only with weapons drawn. They had to call the game in the 3rd quater (we were up 50-10 anyway). Where was I you ask? Standing in front of the fight keeping the kids at bay til the cops got there. I got hit once. Not on purpose and not hard. We were all locked in the football area for a while until they had no less than 35 cop cars at the school. I watched the kids get maced and RUFFED UP by the cops. Police brutality has it's advantages. I wish you all could have been there. Classic. Rod- beat that for first week of school stories. Here's the news coverage of it. You can see me. It's like where's waldo. I am wearing a red and white stripped shirt. Clip is called "One stabbed at local high school some thing or other..."

http://www.cbs3springfield.com/news/local/9655972.html

Our Lady of the Elms

2007-09-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

So that's where I am taking my grad school classes. It's kind of fun because it's a Catholic College. The Professors have read in my profile that I am Mormon so they always try and relate stuff to Utah or anything they know about the Church. I appreciate the effort, it's just entertaining. They like to bless me. They don't know we don't make the sign of the cross. But, classes are way harder than I had ever expected. There is an overwhelming amount of work and I won't even think about it because I can't make sense out of how I will get it all done. If I wasn't so stunned this week I think I would have cried. But I did get my 4 page "preassignment" paper into one of my Professors on the first day of class. Who has an assignment before the class even begins? What? Travis decided to hope for mercy and didn't do it. I have to love his audacity. Wish me luck.

First week of school

2007-09-07T18:51:00.001-07:00

Not bad. I anticipated worse so I think things have turned out well. For those of you that don't know what I teach, I am one of the SEBS (Social Emotional Behavioral Support) teachers. Criteria to be in my class: assault a teacher or cop. But anywho I do love my kids. They all have something that I just gravitate towards. I get them, well some of the time. I do have a few heavy hitters this year. I already have two suspended for gang fights- LOTS of blood in the hallway. One suspended after a weapons check. And one lit a girl's hair on fire last year and has not gone to one class yet this year. But then again I have a few back from last year that are actually 10th graders and are doing GREAT! They're excited about school and they have really tried to help me "train" the incoming freshmen. (They don't remember that they acted the same way when they were freshmen). So all in all, things went well. I am exhausted, but excited and can't wait to sleep in tomorrow.

Why I am glad it is the end of Summer

2007-09-03T06:44:00.001-07:00

I love my husband. He is extremely talented and useful. But I really don't understand certain aspects of him. He has many interests and passions including: car maintenance, wood working, cooking, concerts, WWII, and of course basketball. However there are 2 hobbies that take over both our lives in the fall, spring, and summer: fishing and golf. Neither of which I get. The man that cannot wait at a red light without verbally assaulting the car in front of him for not making the yellow light, will sit for HOURS (daily if permitted) at the waters edge waiting for a bite. He will come home with no less than 30 new mosquito bites to tell me he can't buy a break out on the water, but that he is going back at midnight because he thinks he'll have a better chance. He will golf twice a day (a round takes four hours at least) walking after a little ball with a group of overweight grown men that can't hit the fairway. He can't even wait in a grocery line at Stop n' Shop. He would rather use the self service stations that you always have to call "customer assistance" for instead of just waiting in a regular line. It's a strong juxtaposition in my mind and I really don't get it. He can't explain it. Neither seem that fun to me and I can't wait until I have my husband home on a Saturday. That's still months away (unless he get's into ice fishing).

Summer of Love 2007

2007-08-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Just in case there are those of you that don't believe we have any fun... booyah. Yeah, i'm bringing that back. Here is a quick look at our Summer of Love 2007 aka Our Wicked Fun Summer. Yes, if you were wondering - Kevin Nealon's Mother and I are BFF's because she does know my first name. Also "Nature Rob", our hiking guide in Tahoe, did hate me for calling him "Nature Rob." Honestly it only made it more fun to say. Note that I am stoked in that picture and he is only smiling because we are the cause of his pay check.

Blogging... sure, what the heck?

2007-08-27T17:17:00.001-07:00

In an effort to be better about staying touch I have been coerced into blogging. Full on gay, but here I am. I guess it's easier. Now it's your job to keep up with our exciting lives. Today was so exciting in fact that we both sat in workshops for 6 hours. My workshop was held in a middle school cafeteria where the seats were understandably made for 6th grade butts. First, my butt enveloped the round hard plastic chair that tilted oddly to the left so that I had to keep adjusting. If you were looking from behind it must have seemed magical that I could maintain a seated position that long without support. Next, the presentation was so interesting that I counted 3 chin whiskers (which I have plucked-we're still ok) and believe I am developing a new mole on my arm. I drew a happy face on it and I think that made all the difference. Lastly, I tried to liven up the crowd by cracking a joke... crickets. Bueller... anyone...anyone? Just because we teach special education doesn't mean we have to act special. Or does it? But Travis bought me a lobster for dinner for making it without incident through my first day. One down, four to go. I think I can, I hope I can. If you have any suggestions for workshop humor, let me know! I have to redeem myself.

The Chronicles of a Cluttered Mind

Day 366

Aotearoa

Snow Days

The Art of Living (Inspired by Alycia Bryll)

This week in the news

Have you ever been friends with an angel?

Homesick

Haiti

Domican Republic

St. Thomas

Boricua

I love it when we're cruisin together

Dreaming with a broken heart

Oh the Places You'll Go!

Spirit Fingers

My Gift

Do you remember?

Mother's Day

5 year anniversary!

Remember when...

One Tattered Angel

Laughter IS the best medicine

Happy Birthday Hazel

Let Angels Lead You In

Be Still My Soul

Today

Kirstin

March 3, 2010

Hazel's Memorial

Sweet Goodbye

Our Little Hazel

L*o*v*e*

Celebrate

Absolute Perfection

Dear Kirs-

Day 5

Mother And Daughter

Thank You

Isn't She Lovely?

And Baby Makes Three

Dialysis

Kirstin Needs You

Meet Hazel

40 people, 1 question

Out of the mouth of babes

The Long Overdo Update

Unknown Diagnosis

Edward's Syndrome

We Need a Miracle

Our House!!!

Erin Go Bragh!

Al-lo!

"Summering"

La Bo Bina

Groundhog Day

Meet the Press

Just your regular Brick Tamland

Step bump bump

Holy Rollers

Reed Rendezvous

The Hills Are Alive

Back To School

So here it is...

In West Philadelphia Born and Raised

My Bestest Friend

Send Me On My Way

The World We Live In

Teenage Wasteland

Welcome Back

SPRING!

Do married people really do this?

A Cinderella Story

Bunko Night!

Heart Smart

Winter Break

I've been tagged

S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D

Brocky's 1st Birthday

The Von Trapp Family Singers

Love