Remember when...

Remember when I used to blog about normal things?

It's been a while. It still might be a while. I will say that Easter was great. We stopped by Hazel's house (that's what we call it). Although we think she's still too young to have her own place, we realize everyone makes their own choices. I feel like she has been given visitation rights to come see us on holidays, especially Easter, which is obviously her favorite. She gently gave me a hug and reminded me of the hope and joy the Resurrection brings. She assured me that she is looking forward to her perfect little body so we can do interpretive dance together- ahahahaha. Ok maybe it's this girl who is looking forward to that. Needless to say this was the best Easter I have ever had. It's the first time I think I have ever deeply reflected and rejoiced in it's meaning.

Besides that we have decided that we deserve a vacation. Really I always think I deserve a vacation, this is nothing new. However since Europe is out of the question again this year (boo Travis for being frugal and responsible) we are heading to our second choice destination- the dirty South. It's the only place in the States we have yet to explore and let's be honest, for good reason. I'm a Yankee and this could end poorly if they see our license plates. So dust off your rap and diamond plated grill we's bout to be hittin up the ATL. If anyone has any suggestions on where we should visit please let me know. I'm thinking Dollywood's a must.

Thoughts?

One Tattered Angel

It's been one month today since our sweet Hazel returned to her heavenly home. I frequently find myself wondering what she's doing, who she's met, and if she thinks about us as often as we think about her. Today I might be feeling a little sorry for myself too. Yep, I'm human.

I was recently given the book "One Tattered Angel" by my Aunt Colleen (many thanks!) It's about a family that is caring for a daughter with health concerns similar to Hazel's. There is a line in it that I have been stuck on. It says, "Our church believes in the ministering of angels. I wonder how come you were asked to minister to an angel"? A day doesn't pass that I don't ask that question. I still have no answer. I don't even have the beginning of an answer and I have accepted that I most likely never will in this life. I wish I had a way to wrap up that statement or thought, but it stands alone in my mind.

Today, I just wonder why we had the privilege/challenge of ministering to a tattered angel?

Laughter IS the best medicine

After rereading my recent blog posts, I have decided it's probably important that everyone know that not only have we been doing a lot of crying lately, but also laughing. Mostly at my expense, but I have zero pride after all I've been through. I thought I would share our top 3 "most hilarious" hospital moments.

#3

This is my Mom and Dad. Cute couple right? Someone should have informed the autopsy Doctor. When she came to deliver the preliminary autopsy results my Dad was sitting with me. She then reported she saw no reason for me and my Dad (whom she thought was my husband) not to try again in the future. At first, I was convinced I misunderstood what was going on because of the pain medication. However my Dad soon corrected her which led me to a few thoughts... a) If you were looking for reasons why Hazel had abnormalities it might stem from the fact that you think I'm pulling a Mackenzie Phillips. b) Really? and c) Gross. My Father takes this as a huge compliment that he looks so young. The rest of us just laugh/throw up in our mouths.

#2

Go ahead. Don't feel guilty for laughing at this picture. Most people would be ashamed to post this, but like I said- zero pride left. Travis and I actually just laughed hysterically looking at this. Apparently I was taking inspiration from Jabba the Hutt because it looks like I ate a whole star fleet. And yes, that is what a person looks like after not showering for 9 days and taking percocet. Lastly, I mentioned that Travis was a pretty good nurse. It takes practice though. Especially the stupid oxygen cannula. This was his first attempt. Not right. Not even close, but good attempt.


#1
There is no picture to accompany our #1 "most hilarious" moment and you'll thank me for that later. Let's just say it had to do with being alone with a male nurse during kidney dialysis, stool softeners, a bed pan, and help using toilet paper. Yeah. If you can't laugh at yourself, life is not worth living.

Happy Birthday Hazel

I can't believe it has been a month since Hazel arrived and we began this adventure. Today we are going to celebrate her one month birthday. Even though the pain of losing her is still excruciatingly fresh, a pain so severe I didn't even know could exist until Hazel did, we are better because of it. This has changed everything. I am so aware of my own shortcomings and weaknesses and am trying desperately to improve. I just look forward to the day where I can talk with Hazel face to face and ask her about her journey. Anyways, in honor of Hazel one my extremely talented co-workers wrote a poem. I didn't ask if I could share this so I hope it's ok (thank you Joy).

HAZEL

Through the workings of Heavenly Father,

In answer to years of Prayer,

Through the bodies of Brother and Sister,

Born from their Infinite Care,

On our world was bestowed such a Blessing,

That all who looked on were awed,

To see reflected within a child,

The glorious presence of God.

All of creation met in Communion,

As Heaven and Earth agreed,

No more radiant Angel has graced us,

Than she named as Hazel Reed.

Let Angels Lead You In

Dear Friends

I'm not quite sure what to say and so have avoided this post for a few days. Let me start with the easy stuff... my health is slowly but surely improving. The Doctors are encouraged by all of my tests and feel confident that I will make a full recovery soon. I am feeling better and better each day, just a bit tired. Who knew a shower could be completely exhausting? The great news is I have lost about 60 pounds in 3 weeks! Yeah. I don't suggest my methods, kidney dialysis, plasma replacement, overall loss of appetite from being immobile in a hospital bed, however very effective. Most of the weight was toxic fluid from my kidneys failing to function. I still have some baby weight to lose, but most of the work has been done for me.

On that note, it took a few days for us all to realize how sick I really was and what the outcome could be. Googling HELLP syndrome afterwards was a semi traumatic experience for me. I met every criteria for "rarely happens, but possible." I am alive today because of the faithful prayers and fasting of so many, the amazing skill and care of the Doctors, and without question due to the vigilance and tenderness of the nurses at Baystate hospital. Our thanks is eternal and we hope for opportunities to repay our debt to each of you.

Now onto the stuff that makes you go hmmm... I think it was the book Tuesdays with Morrie that encouraged the idea of having a living funeral so you could know how much you mean to other people. I believe Travis and I were given that unique opportunity by Hazel. As I reflect on all of the many ways we have been shown love and sympathy over the past couple of weeks I am completely overwhelmed and humbled. I don't have words, and I don't think I ever will, to describe the depth of our gratitude. I cannot tell you what it felt like to see so many of you at Hazel's memorial service. It brought us such comfort and real joy. I'm also grateful that Hazel has allowed us to reconnect with friends and family. What a blessing she is.

And now the hard stuff... we are continually being asked how we are (which by the way is completely fine) and the honest answer is some moments are great and others we are broken hearted. We still do a fair amount of crying ourselves to sleep at night and are struck at random moments with waves of grief, but we are comforted to know families can be together forever. Our sweet Hazel is engaged in a greater work for now, but someday we will all be together again. Hopefully she's preparing her brothers and sisters for this life and talking us up a bit. Travis and I are taking care of each other the best we can (he's actually a great nurse) and are grateful for the uniting power of trials.

I once heard someone say, "Don't be sad it's over, be glad you were able to go through it." That's kind of how we think of this experience. We are the blessed one's. As always, thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf. We love you!

Be Still My Soul

I know if the time is ever right Kirstin will share with you her feeling about yesterday. For now lets just say how grateful she and Travis were to see everyone last night. They love you all.

Today

Today is Hazel's day.

We are going to celebrate her sweet little life and would love to share it with you.

Reminder: 3:30-5pm the family will receive condolences followed by a 5 pm memorial.