Brockden, my 3 year-old nephew, caught me rubbing lotion all over my belly the other day. He thought it was a lot of fun to "see Hazel." As he was patting my stomach he said, "Auntie Kirs, how come Hazel doesn't fall out of your hole?" Of course I'm thinking they are teaching a little too much at the preschool level now and got really awkward. As I was trying to formulate how to answer that question in regards to a 3 year-old he asked again, "how come the baby doesn't fall out of your hole," pointing at my belly button. Much better. I still let his Mom handle that one, but at least it wasn't the crisis I had imagined. Out of the mouth of babes....
The latest Hazel update is that we will most likely be induced around the 18th of March. Because her head is developing 3 weeks ahead of her body the Doctors are afraid of head entrapment and all sorts of other complications if they let her go too long. We are aiming for a natural birth, but a C-section is still a strong possibility based on her condition.
We have 5 weeks left with our sweet girl. It breaks our hearts. I remember when sleep felt so good. Now it is the enemy. I cannot lay down without thinking of what that day will be like. Sometimes I dream this is all a mistake and it makes it worse to wake up. Other days I walk myself through the entire day willing myself to face it.
I screamed at Heavenly Father yesterday. Not because I was angry at Him. Maybe because I wanted Him to know how badly I hurt, how I would gladly accept any other challenge if he would spare my daughter. The impressions came so strong that He too "lost" His son and could have spared him, but allowed him to suffer so at this moment someone would know exactly how to succor me. It wasn't total relief, but a feeling of being perfectly understood. With that more complete knowledge, even though I've always known it, I was able to feel some measure of comfort, assurance, and hope.
Please keep praying for us and we will continue to pray for you.
12 comments:
I love you, you are in our prayers and I wish that I could give you a hug (although I probably couldn't reach all the way around you)! And I hope when it's time, Hazel "falls out of your hole" with ease :)
one Sunday at church a sunbeam came up to me and pointed to micah and asked "did you pee him out of you?". her mom was mortified.
just want you to know we love you. we can't even fathom what this must feel like. and Kirs i think it is okay to be angry. the lord understands.
We pray for you guys always! What a blessing it is to have someone who understands completely. Even if it doesn't make it better or easier.
Thank you for blessing our lives with your presence and with your stories of your family.
We wish you Happy Pushing! if you go natural, and Good Luck! if you don't.
We love you guys! *hugs*
Kirstin, it is amazing how you can have me laughing then crying within a matter of minutes. We WILL be praying for you guys. Thank you for sharing your incredible insights. We love you guys!!
you never cease to amaze me! each time i read one of your posts i walk away feeling so inspired. thank you. you are always in my prayers.
Kirsty, I wish I knew something profound to say. We'll continue to pray for you and your family. We sincerely hope all goes well for you, Travis and Hazel. We love ya!
Not that blogging is first on your list of priorities every morning, we certainly appreciate the updates so...Thanks!
Our current household discussion is..."what's the most appropriate term that our 3 year old can use for her little brother's anatomy?"
We're taking suggestions!
We love you guys so much and continue to pray for you. Pat that belly and tell Hazel we love her!
I love you guys so much and my thoughts are with you always!
We'd been teaching Jack that he grew inside of my tummy, and so one day he asked Aunt Megan how he got there. She told him I ate him.
He doesn't want to go through that again, he told me.
We pray for you guys constantly...even Jack tells Heavenly Father he's grateful "for Hazel."
wish i could foot snuggle you more than ever :)
I pray and think of the three of you every day. I am inspired by your strength and courage and know that anger is completely understood and allowed in this situation. I'm here if there is anything you need, day or night! Love you guys!!!
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