Spirit Fingers

I'm 30!!!

Let's celebrate

My Gift

My Mother's Day gift

Hazel's headstone was finally put on! With a little pleading from my good husband the cemetery pushed Hazel to the top of the list so that she would look beautiful for our special day. Travis designed Hazel's headstone to be one of a kind, just the way she is. I absolutely love it and cannot think of anything more perfect for my little missionary.

And not to leave out our other daughter Gidget...

She gave me a snuggle and breakfast in bed for Mother's Day.

She's pretty amazing for never having attended obedience school.

Do you remember?

Dear Hazel

Thanks for letting me be your Mom. I couldn't think of a better Mother's Day gift. I love you without end and know that this is only our beginning.

xoxo- Your Mama

Dear Ma

Do you remember the time I was in the hospital dying? I know you remember it better than I do. All I could do was lay there in pain, not really understanding what was going on. All I wanted to do was be near Hazel, but she felt so heavy to hold and I was so tired. You would come and put her on my chest so I could look at her, touch her, talk to her, "hold her". You stayed up 7 days straight to make sure she and I were ok. I remember being woken up at 2 in the morning for my medicine and seeing you reading to Hazel. You always had the best reading voice. I wish I had a picture of that. I don't think you've ever had a finer moment as my Mother. That one moment represents years and pieces of my life all in one where when I could not, you always did. It was that moment and a million other scattered moments throughout my life that make you the best Mom. I sure do love you!

xoxo - Your Favorite Daughter

(We can still pretend the others have a shot if you want, but I think we all know who the clear favorite is).

Dear Mom aka my mother-in-law

Do you remember going to kidney dialysis with me? I was really terrified and had already gone through so many tests that day. We were all afraid of Hazel passing away while I was gone. I know I was. You went with me and held my hand, you even gave me a hand massage. You got me water, told me stories, and allowed me to keep my dignity when I needed the bed pan. You were willing to do anything to keep me entertained and occupied. I know the whole time you were just praying that Hazel would be there when we got back. The only time you left me was to comfort that poor woman who couldn't stop crying. She was in so much pain and you were able to calm her down by talking about your children. I know she wished her family was there to hold her hand, but luckily for both of us we had you. Thank you for loving me no differently than you love your own and for forgiving me for bringing Travis back East.

xoxo- Your Favorite Daughter-in-law

(Ok we both know I have the market cornered on this so it's alright to print).

Mother's Day

Just to get this out of the way

Mother's Day - my baby = CONFUSION

(and some more weird feelings).

Mother's Day is to the childless as Valentine's Day is to the single. I was really hoping not to have to endure another Mother's Day in this category and yet I find myself in a more difficult one. The in between. Not childless and yet not exactly with child either.

I always feel guilty at church for taking a flower which the primary children hand out to all the Mothers. This might actually stem from the time a child gave me one and then asked for it back because there wasn't enough for the Mothers in the ward, but I digress...

Sunday I am going to choose to be happy.

And I am going to allow myself to revel, laugh, cry, completely come unglued, in order to get there. I need to put this in words to hold myself accountable. I wouldn't write it unless I knew it was possible.

So watch out Mother's Day- this year I am celebrating.