Day 366

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAZEL!

Each morning of her life at 4:10, the time of her birth, we would take a picture celebrating another day well lived...the triumph of the human spirit...family...miracles...the goodness of God...and the power of L-O-V-E. Today is Day 366, with our daughter, without our daughter; but we continue to celebrate.

On the morning Hazel had to leave us, there was a light beautiful snow. It just cleansed everything outside and made the world seem new. Everything had a faint beautiful glow. Since then I have taken snow as a "sign" from her that's she's near and loves us.

Luckily this winter we have had ridiculous amounts of snow as evidenced by our mailbox below. And although I hate shoveling, I can't help but think she's laughing somewhere.

Lastly, because of Hazel's uniqueness I know many of you were not able to witness her life in person. I just wanted everyone to see how incredible she was. How real she is. At the end of this video watch for the smile. She smiled!

And if you're questioning how she was able to live 7 days let me show you her fighting spirit. This is bath time so she's a little indecent, but it's adorable.

We want to thank everyone for helping us throughout this past year. We could not have made it this far without you. I hope you will go out and do a good deed for someone today, hug your kids a little longer, and tell the important people in your life that you love them. Also, if you need an excuse to eat cake you can say you're celebrating Hazel's birthday. She won't mind.

Aotearoa

Friends do you remember when I said that I was really going to start living again this year?

I'm doing it. Slowly but surely, I'm doing it. I am getting out there and living my life. I'm making plans and following through. I'm daring to hope and even better daring to dream.

I have dreamed for 12 years of going to

The Land of the Long White Cloud or Aotearoa.

I cannot count the number of times that I sat in class in the CAC or Old Gym and listened to the New Zealand exhibit perform at the PCC and thought, "someday I'm going there."

And now I am.

What makes this trip even better is that I am going to New Zealand for my little sister's wedding. Jamie and Xander will be getting married April 23rd in Whangarei on the North Island.

Come on- it's obvious why he loves her. She's fun like her older sister.

But a wedding isn't fun unless you have fun people there. Introducing your fun wedding party- Nikki Forsberg, sister-in-law extraordinaire and lyrical dance machine.

Father and Mother of the bride and the reason the saying "Pakehas know how to party" came into existence.




And lastly, the most photogenic bridesmaid- me. Jamie is so lucky I am going to be in a lot of her pictures.

All of this just affirms that living is definitely worth the risk. I continue to pray that all of you are well and dreaming big.

Snow Days

So as some of you know we have had an active January. It has snowed and snowed over the last 2 weeks. This picture was taken after the first storm. We have had a few more since then and added to our glorious snow piles.

Gidget is too short to be able to maneuver through the snow so we dug her an elaborate tunnel system in the backyard. It's fun to watch her freak out and "run the track." However, she did learn how to walk over the fence after the last ice storm. Now there is a moat inside of our fence to accompany the tunnel system.

In the last two weeks we have only had 4 1/2 days of school due to the snow which means we are getting a lot of extra sleep around here. This is the usual pose you can find Gidget and I in after shoveling.



Lastly, proof that Travis is turning into a New Englander. He is actually considering buying a snow blower after this winter.

The Art of Living (Inspired by Alycia Bryll)

Dear Friends

I'm sorry about the 4 month hiatus. I have been loosely committed to this blog from the beginning, but I was really having difficulty finding something to talk about. The other day I was catching up with a good friend, Alycia Bryll, and she completely inspired me.

She was one of my swimmers a few years ago. When I saw her the other day, it struck me that she was now an adult. She has transformed into this different person- maybe because of age, possibly because of what she is learning in college, or more likely because of how her experiences are shaping her into someone else.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life also. In July of 2009 I was this person. I was so thrilled with my life in the sense that things were going well. I had a loving husband, great job, and was working towards my Masters. I didn't have everything that I wanted, but I surely had enough.

I was happy. We were happy.

And then a month later we found out we were pregnant and this whole journey of transformation began. It was scary and painful, long and drawn out, and completely unavoidable. I handled it by withdrawing from the world. Not standing still necessarily, but standing back.

Terrified to move forward. Essentially scared to live.

And here we are now. 2011. There was this sense of excitement that accompanied the New Year. Maybe it was more relief, but it just felt hopeful for the first time in months (maybe years.) This year I am dedicated to LIVING. Not just moving through the motions or counting down the days, but truly living. Allowing myself to breathe, feel, fear, try, be. I look forward to sharing it with you and wish you all a wonderful New Year.