Back To School

Think Amy Winehouse, "Rehab."

Back to school writing assignment of one of my students.

They tried to make me go to 8th grade

And I said no, no, no.

They tried to hold me back from high school

But I'm a go, go, go.

This summer we had time

to get on our grind.

So now I'm goin on to 9th grade

that's fa sho, sho, sho.

I love my kids.

So here it is...

Dear Friends & Family,

So here it is... recent events have prompted me to write about something I never thought

I would share publicly, however I really feel prompted to put my feelings out there. My hope is that my experience will be of benefit for someone else.

My sweet husband and I have been trying diligently to start a family for quite some time. It has been fun, stressful, discouraging, and heart breaking. We have received conception advice from everyone but for whatever reason we have not been blessed with a family yet. This past June I decided it was that dreaded time of month where I would take a pregnancy test "just in case" and be bitterly disappointed. However, to our surprise it was positive! I didn't want to believe until we went to the Doctor's and they confirmed that we were finally going to be parents. I felt like it was an immediate blessing for Travis' sacrifice as Bishop.

This was the"happiest moment of our lives." We were going to wait and tell our families on Father's Day. We had an elaborate plan to tell each family and were jumping out of our skin trying to keep it a secret. I was almost nine weeks along and I was already planning a whole new life.

And then it happened. I began bleeding. And bleeding harder. And cramping. And all of a sudden nothing felt right. It was two days before Father's Day. I took a home pregnancy test: negative. I took another one: negative. I called the Doctor's hysterical and they made a rush appointment. I knew. They knew. I watched the ultrasound tech as she tried to judge my emotional status and whether she should confirm my nightmare or leave it to the Doctor. She left it to the Doctor. I fell apart on the table. Inconsolable seems like such a small word compared to that feeling. Irrational. Reckless. Hopeless. Angry.

I know I scared Travis and my family with my reaction. I felt like God was being intentionally cruel and I had never had that feeling or thought before. I felt like He didn't trust me. I had a complete absence of hope in my life.

It has taken months to scratch the surface of how this event has affected me. I have learned that for me, talking about it to some people is best. It acknowledges that it was real. Miscarriages feel so tricky because it is something you never really had, just the hope of something. It truly is the "sorrow that the eye can't see."

I feel like after I reached out, many people related that they too had suffered miscarriages or had difficulty getting pregnant. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me how to get through it, how to bear the unbearable. Two things. 1) I have a testimony that fasting and prayer can return hope to even the most hopeless. It may be a glimmer of hope, but it is something to cling to. 2) My sister-in-law Robin (thank you) emailed me an article the other day that really just made sense. It spoke to me. Whether it's true or not, I want to believe it.

http://segullah.org/cjane-speaks/the-hourglass-theory/

It's short and worth reading if you have a moment. I was hoping that the day I finally shared our miscarriage would also be the day I said we're pregnant with a healthy baby. Unfortunately that's not the case, but the reality is that day by day hope and peace creep steadily back into my life and that life continues on. It has been a process. A transition.

I'm not exactly sure why I am writing this post or why I am even able to, but I think this is cathartic. I just want to thank everyone that has prayed for us and kept us in your thoughts. We have truly been uplifted by your faith. It would have been impossible to pick myself up without you.

With much Love, Respect, & Friendship,

Kirstin

In West Philadelphia Born and Raised

So this summer Travis and I were like the baby borrowers except we borrowed our teenage nephew for a month. AJ was awesome and we're excited to have teenagers someday. He came out from California for a month and played with us. He's 15 and was gracious enough to go along and do all the historical sites we wanted to do. Thanks AJ.



Our first stop on the east coast tour was Philadelphia. I haven't been there as an adult so it was newly fascinating and singing the Fresh Prince theme song over and over again does not get old. While there we walked past this guy on the street and I kept thinking to myself, "I know that guy." I couldn't place him til I was half way down the block and and then I had to turn around and get a picture with him. Ok American Idol fans: who remembers the "Let my people go" guy? Yep. He was a tour guide. He seems kind of slow which I suppose is not a surprise after believing he can sing. Good times.



We were there on July 2nd and 3rd which was really fun because they it's Philly's holiday really. We stayed in Chinatown in this pretty iffy place (sorry Wendy) and saw a lot of police action. At midnight we got hungry and went out for some Chinese. We ended up watching one of their game shows in the restaurant and were the only people that spoke English. It was so fun though. You don't need to know Chinese to appreciate their game shows. It was an international bonding experience.

My Bestest Friend

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in forever, but I am going to try and make up for it now. My summer has been amazing so far! You cannot beat this teacher thing. I'm going to post my summer out of order, but I'll get to everything. First up: I was finally able to visit my BFF Brie in Oregon. I heart her! I hope everyone is lucky enough to have someone like Brie.

I miss you friend!

Celtics in 6!!!

If your mind was just blown, you're welcome.

Happy Birthday Dana!

Today my older sister is 30, flirty, and fabulous.

We love you.

(Stop with the social grooming.)

Send Me On My Way

For those of you who read my last post these past two weeks have been busy for a million reasons. There were 3,000 people in attendance at Mario's funeral. I praised Jesus for 4 hours! If this Mormon thing does not work out I have been assured that I am saved. It was beautiful though and it has brought the community together.

Mario's mother broke out into song. She was amazing!

Varsity players carrying the casket. The players are beginning group therapy soon which was offered as a free service by an outside clinic. So grateful for that. One player received a $10,000 scholarship in Mario's name and other scholarships have resulted from his death. Some good out of the bad. You can just see Travis in the back right hand corner.

The school probably thought it was a good idea to give us a break after that so they sent the Reed's to the senior picnic. Here's Travis and Mr. Rice getting ready to climb the rock wall. He's so hot in that equipment! YOW!

Ok there's me. Ps- it really hurts if you don't have shoes on.

What do white kids do at the Senior picnic? Play ultimate frisbee. Just so happens Mr. Reed is a beast at frisbee. I think it's cause he's tall or it could be that he knocked over high school students to win. Could be both.

Then on Sunday as many of you already know Travis was sustained as the new Bishop of the Ludlow Ward replacing my father. Yeah they made that guy Bishop. So that makes me Mother of the Ward. Yes, he is 28. And no, we NEVER even thought that was a possibility. It was great to hear the audible gasps and several "OH MY GOSH's!" Good news is we had 12 co-workers who came to support him. More investigators than I ever got to church on my mission. One wants to sit down with the missionaries and us and another one has already committed to come to church again and asked for a Book of Mormon.

Travis' Mom, sister Holly, and niece Bailey were able to make it from California. It was a fun visit. Bailey and Brocky had a great time trying to find a bunny that was in the yard during a family cook out. They're totally dating.

We went to New York City for Memorial Day and played on the subway. Good Times.

This is Travis' Mom haggling over a purse. When she actually got the price she wanted she walked away. It was a piece of crap anyways.

Next we spent some quality time with thousands of our closest friends in Central Park. I have never seen so many people there at one time.

We decided to skip the Empire State Building and be different and go up 30 Rock. This is the end result. You would think we had to walk up.

We ended the night with by walking around Times Square. Always interesting when it's late. But it was good trip. We did Boston the next day, but I'll save that for another post.

Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day and is getting ready for summer!

The World We Live In

First off I completely apologize for not updating the blog for the past month. A birthday and anniversary pasted and finals were taken, but I just didn't find the time or anything interesting to write about. But tonight I feel the need to rant and then possibly back up and give thanks. I think I've said this before, but Travis & I teach at an inner city high school. Most days you wouldn't know you were at an inner city high school. I'm sure we deal with things all the time that we don't even identify with that label, but that others would see at "ghetto." And then again there are times when it creeps up on you and becomes very real and overwhelming. You feel helpless and unable to facilitate change. You lose that sense that what you're doing is honestly making a difference and that it is worth everything you go through.

This past weekend the captain of the varsity basketball team at our school, was murdered. Travis, being a coach for the team, is crushed. It was a case of wrong time, wrong place, and of course had to do with gang violence. So many questions come out of this. But I guess my biggest question is what do we have to offer these kids that is more enticing than the streets? Most are unable to afford college with how ridiculous tuition costs are right now. And then we as a society tell them that they can't do anything without a degree. As a nation we have outsourced so many good jobs and have reduced the value of a plumber or trades to something that only immigrants or idiots would choose to do. What do we leave them with?

The streets offer quick answers and even faster cash. It offers a sense of community and protection. And most of all it gives them purpose and value within their sphere of influence. How do we combat this? I know some of the answer to this, but it just seems easier to head out to a suburban school where kids die from drunk driving or suicide, where it seems they have a choice in their tragedy, rather than senseless violence.

But in all things give thanks. Right now, what we specifically have to offer, is our belief in the plan of salvation. I'm grateful for Temple work and a Savior who manifests the godliness of all people through sacred covenants with our Heavenly Father. I guess that is where the hope comes from that we continue to share and deplete with these kids, and then we go to church or the Temple and have experiences that renew that hope and faith.

Sorry for the soapbox. If you would like to see the story about Mario you can go to this website. http://www.wwlp.com/Global/story.asp?S=8339816. If not, thank you for listening. I don't want to be a Debbie downer, but just wanted to provoke thought on what we can all do individually to make the things or people under our stewardship just a little better.

Teenage Wasteland

This week Travis had his season opener as a baseball coach. He had 3 semi tough games right off the bat. The boys improved over the week and had some really great moments, but are struggling to keep their errors down and get their hitting up. Coach enjoys sitting on an open bucket during the games. It doesn't appear comfortable, but it's his thing. I'm proud of him.

Travis talking up the line up with one of his assistant coaches, Mr. Jones. Although not a prerequisite to go onto the field during a game at the freshmen level, Mr. Jones enjoys the baseball pants and is a firm believer in wearing them at games.

We roll deep to support Coach. This is Brocky, Anders, and Nick watching an infield error. Even Brocky gets it.

Like Father like son. Brocky kept taking Anders hat to wear throughout the game.

Post game pep talk. He is such a good coach.

This is a scene we tend to recreate every 2 weeks. Travis and I have a Saturday morning class twice a month that has insane amounts of expository reading. And of course we enjoy torturing ourselves and waiting until the last minute to start. We usually preemptively reward ourselves with take out to get us through the night. A student from our school was working at Taco Bell last night. We ordered 5 things, got 11. There are some unspoken benefits to being teachers.

Hu Ke Lau!

Our friends the Ripley's own the Polynesian dance production company that performs that the local Hu Ke Lau so they invited us for dinner and a show. I thought this was kind of a cool picture of the Tahitian dancers.

Moki is so talented and beautiful it's ridiculous. She can do things with her hips at age 40 that I have never been able to do. Must be nice.

Travis and Anders had their first catch of the season.

It was a broodstock salmon. Travis actually caught it so it was a "big deal" because Anders has caught the first one of the season for the past 3 seasons. They grilled it up nice during Conference weekend and I didn't touch it. It grosses me out, but I'm glad it makes him happy.

Welcome Back

My favorite employees of Dunder Mifflin will be back this Thursday. Is anyone else obsessed with this show? Who is your favorite Office employee? I personally am a big Jim fan. I have to get all of my homework done before Thursday now so I can watch uninterrupted. Happy Viewing.

SPRING!

I just thought I would update you guy's on what's been going on these past few weeks. My time home alone was wonderful, but it's nice to have my husband back. It's almost spring! We've been getting flurries on and off, but we're hoping we've seen the last of snow for right now. I took my last 2 teacher tests and I'll find out if I passed in the middle of April. I really hope I'm done with those. Anyways...


Travis will be coaching the boys freshmen baseball team starting Monday. He just got his cleats and Fungo bat so he's really excited. Now we just have to get him a good Red Sox hat to practice in and he'll be ready.

One of his Christmas presents was a ticket to go see Seinfeld perform in Springfield. Seinfeld is his favorite! He did not disappoint. He said he was hilarious for an hour and a half which if you think about it, is pretty hard to do. Travis was a little freaked out because it was a crowd of white people. After living here for a while white people do begin to freak you out. You almost feel like you've done something wrong when your in that kind of homogeneous crowd.

3, 2, 1, Dodgeball! Travis also took part in the school dodgeball tournament. His team won! Do you remember when you used to think 30 was old? Yeah these kids just think our staff (which is mostly comprised of late 20's to early 30's) is geriatric. They don't know what to do when their butts get handed to them by their teachers. It was beautiful and Travis did not hit anyone in the head this time.

Last but not least... I have gone to one of my Doctor's appointments this month. I am currently down 10 pounds since my last appointment, but was advised to lose 10% of my body weight. More than half way there so that's good. My blood pressure is looking good and they could find no obvious reasons why we haven't been able to get pregnant. So I think that's good news. Maybe. ? ! I have my next appointment on the 24th and we'll see how that goes. I feel good and I am hoping for good news with the cardiologist.

Do married people really do this?

1. 
   So here it is...I am home alone for 5 days! I don't put an exclamation point because I'm really that excited to get rid of my husband, but every once in a while it's nice to have some time to yourself. He's off to California for a few days and I'll miss him. But just thought I would give you guys an idea of how much time we really spend together.

• We work at the same high school. Different floors, but we always have the option of seeing each other if we need to.
• We have one car. We drive to work together, leave together. If one of us has to go someplace alone, the other person has to drop them off and pick them up.
• We have had at least one grad school class together for the past year. We share the same books and spend our Saturdays listening to lectures and trying to make sense of our notes together.
• We have a stake calling together and we are both 4th Sunday Relief Society and Elders Quorum teachers. We travel most Sundays to other wards and branches and where we basically put on the "Reed Show".
• Every Sunday night we become Elder and Sister Reed to our Addiction Recovery Group. Yeah. So after travel time, preparation, set up, group, take down, and assessment of how it went- that's pretty much our night.
• We coach the same season so we are always at each other's events helping out or supporting.
• We have a lot of students in common so not only do we "work" together to creatively problem solve we are role models for what a marriage should look like to staff and students.

I am probably forgetting some stuff, but suffice it to say we are constantly together. I know some of you are jealous. It is nice to have him right here whenever I need him. But I think, just for the next few days, I am going to enjoy my alone time.

A Cinderella Story

In what can only be described as A Cinderella Story, my girls performed fiercely at the Western Mass Swim Championships this past Monday at Harvard. Everyone had an amazing swim and I was so proud to be their coach. The medley relay dropped 7 seconds off their time as our freshmen phenom was personally responsible for 3 of them. The individual swims didn't end up qualifying for states, but did however boast best times for all. Those times were good enough for 1 of them to receive phone calls the next day from several colleges and the NCAA clearing house. Our 400 free relay dropped 11 seconds out of nowhere and ended up with a 12th place finish, enough for a ribbon.

But the huge surprise of the day was the 200 free relay. The boys team had just qualified for states two heats before us and now the pressure was on. They needed to drop a combined 4 seconds to make states. 4 seconds is not a lot in terms of time. However in a race that is a dead sprint it's almost impossible. But I believe in miracles and apparently so do my girls. Not only did they qualify, they are close to beating the school record set by a dream team of swimmers. This comes on the heels of a no win season. It couldn't have been scripted better. The reaction was priceless. They are the little girls from the hood that could. We will be back at Harvard this Sunday at 7:30 am to hopefully lay claim to a record that rightfully belongs to the lionhearted. Please keep us in your thoughts!

In other news, Travis' freshmen basketball team completed a perfect season today. 21-0. He was very afraid of pulling a Pat's, but ended up running away with his last game 78-47. Travis earned high praise from the officials, parents, and players for being a coach with class, optimism, and the ability to focus on learning the game instead of winning. Yea Coaches Reed!

Bunko Night!

I'm actually somewhat embarassed to write about this, but it's true: I am officially part of a girls bunko night that will be happening monthly. I went to my first one tonight. Few observations...1) Stay at home Moms like to make a lot of noise when they have the night off. 2) I miss real food. 3) Who really cares about Bunko? I need a solid game of Phase 10 or Ultimate Spoons to get my Irish up. 4) If you win the prize for lowest point scorer, do you even want it? That's basically saying here is your prize for being a loser. And 5) If you receive wall words as your gift and you don't want words on your wall are you allowed to switch?

Overall good times. I admit I got caught looking at my watch with an hour to go. I know, I had to back pedal. It's just weird to hang out with a bunch of girls again. It's been quite a while. It makes me miss my friends, roommates, sisters, cousins, etc. Just know I was thinking of all of you guys tonight. I wanted nothing more than to go back to the simpler times when I would get body checked into a door frame by Brie as she made a diving leap for a pile of spoons. Gosh I miss everybody. Fun girls rock!

Heart Smart

I apoligize. I know it's been awhile. I will be done with my regular swim season tomorrow and will only have to worry about post season swimmers until the end of Feburary. I also started my spring semester class. It's Saturday mornings from 8:30 -12. Kind of sucks, but it's way better than Friday night class.

I admit I have been avoiding updating the blog because something significant happened and I have been coming to terms with it. As some of you may know Travis and I have been unsucessful in trying to get pregnant. I finally worked up the courage to go to the Doctor to find out what's going on and was greeted with some unpleasant news. The Doctors are very concerned about my heart. Apparently I have a flutter and extremely high blood pressure/other heart irregularities that have technical terms I don't understand. They took a lot of blood (and were not gentle about it) put me on a very strict diet, and are asking me to document basically every step I take. I have to visit the nurse's office at school every week to check my BP and some other stuff. At the end of March I will go to the hospital to have further tests done to determine if the blood flows correctly to my heart, blah blah blah.

It's hard because I feel just fine, no different than before. I don't think I ate that bad and I'm stressed, but no more so than at any other time. I do have "heart cramps" which I thought other people got. Guess not. They are concerned because I have similar symptoms to my Dad's A FIB condition. (For those of you who don't know my Dad has undergone 2 heart surguries in the past few years and almost died after they botched his last surgery.) So I'm alittle concerned/anxious/paranoid. And the worst part... they feel very strongly that I should not try to get pregnant now or soon because they don't feel my heart could stand the pregnancy right now. Don't get me wrong, I want to live, it's just somwehat startling and depressing.

The upside: I will lose alot of weight which is always good and I am signing up for every 5k or biatholon in the spring. If I have something to train for I think I will be more motivated during my workouts. I am also signing up for a walking marathon in Maine in the fall. Yeah I'm not that cool, i'm walking and jogging if the occasion arises. My diet is going well although I dreamed about eating potato chips the other night and woke up alarmed. I don't even like potato chips. Bland food is growing on me. And for whatever reason this is a blessing in disguise. I am learning a lot about self mastery and that's something I lack. So there it is. I am fine and I have faith that I will be better if I follow the Doctors orders. In the mean time, low sodium no taste.

Winter Break

A's. That's how we started off our Christmas morning. We received our fall semester grades and Travis and I both got all A's in our grad classes. That, in and of itself, was the best Christmas present I received. Other than that winter break was spent mostly sleeping, eating, and coaching. We received a few snow storms which Brocky did not think was cool. This was like the moment in A Christmas Story when Ralphie had too many layers on. Not stoked to sled. But he did have on his cute Pats beanie. GO PATS!

Travis was good enough to get me a lot of gift certificates so that I could go pick out fun clothes instead of angry lesbian clothes which I have apparently been wearing according to my students. He in return received fishing and golfing gear. His big present was a ticket to go see Jerry Seinfeld perform. Who knew he would come to Springfield?! But he is Travis' favorite so I think I won for best gift this year.

Other than that we had a swim team fund raiser at the bowling alley. It was awesome! The Reed's tore it up (suck on that Stott's!) Most of the kid's were very well behaved and we had a great time making fun of the kid's from the suburbs that were there. I had a higher score than the other swim coach that is super competitive and it felt so good.

We went to and caught a varsity basketball game in the New Haven Holiday Tournament.Yeah. Besides the refs we were the only white people there. The stats on Hill House High School: 1200 kids, 1100 black, 75 hispanic, and 25 white. Seriously. But it was fun. We didn't play well, but it was good practice for our guys. We're the team in the black.

So that was pretty much our break if you add in gaining a lot of weight and watching a lot of movies. Teaching is the best! It was nice to be us again for a week instead of being Mr. and Mrs. Reed all of the time. We hope everyone had a great holiday and has a wonderful New Year's.